“But, what do you want, Ben asked me.
A smile tugged at his lips, and I was struck, not for the first time, by how damn attractive he is. I loved his lankiness, the open friendliness of his eyes, the comfort with which he inhabited space. I usually go for dark and intense, but Ben, with his easy, teasing smile had gotten under my skin. I looked away.
“It’s silly. Ridiculous. You’d probably laugh, I said, taking a sip of my drink. Ben leaned forward, intrigued. When a vanilla person marries a non-vanilla person, that vanilla person tends to acquire a deep understanding of rocky road. But that didn’t make it any easier for me to confess “ especially to Ben, who had so often starred in my fantasies.
“Sela, you’re married to a dom and I’m married to masochist, and they’re on a date right now. Nothing you say could shock me.
“I didn’t say it would shock you. I said it would make you laugh, I murmured. “It’s nothing. It’s¦ it’s just nothing.
I could feel myself start to blush, from my hairline, past my collarbones, all the way down to my breasts, and wished I weren’t quite so pale. Ben took a sip of his drink and lounged back in his chair.
“Well, if it’s making you blush, it’s got to be good. Tell you what, we’ll make it an even exchange. If you tell me what’s making you blush, I’ll tell you what I think about when Kate is on a date with Max.
I studied him for a second over the rim of my glass. He obviously didn’t understand how hard for me this was, that what I actually wanted wasn’t as easy as that. Still, an even exchange is easier than a one-sided confession. Besides, at that point, I was a little too dumb with lust, and a little too conscious of his long, lanky frame to worry about over-sharing.
“All right, then, I said. “It’s a deal. I put down my wineglass and looked into his eyes. “What I want is to be wanted.
The grin slowly faded from his lips. “What do you mean? Doesn’t Max want you, he asked in a very quiet voice. His rapid shift from teasing to serious coaxed me on.
“Max loves me, and I love Max, but we aren’t wired the same way. Max wants adrenaline and control and a happy woman’s tears, and I don’t have that to give him. I mean, he kisses me and we have sex, and it’s good, but I can feel that it’s not where his passion is. He wants me to know that he loves me, and I do. I honestly do, and I honestly love him. I don’t want to trade what we have. It’s just¦ it’s just been a long time since I felt that sort of desperate longing, since a kiss made everything fade. I feel as if part of me has fallen asleep and¦
I felt my voice starting to crack. Horrified, I thought about what I was trying to say, and felt like an absolute fool.
“Anyway, I told you it was silly.
Ben’s eyes were serious. He didn’t laugh, as I’d feared he would, but nor did he smile or move. I got up out of my chair, afraid I’d embarrassed us both. “Do you want another drink?
Ben shook his head as something indefinable passed across his face. I nodded and picked up my glass.
I took my time in the kitchen, opening another bottle of wine even though the one we had was still half full. I needed a moment to think, to let some of the awkwardness pass. I felt like an idiot. I had just confessed, to a man that I both respected and wanted to bed, that I was a sad, insecure loser who couldn’t be satisfied. I took a gulp of wine without tasting it, wondering idly if I would fit inside one of the kitchen cabinets. I had just decided that it might be worth a try, when Ben came in.
He didn’t say anything. He just came up behind me and rested his hand on my hip. Heat rushed through me, from my lips to my cunt, as I slowly turned around.
“Ben, what are you¦.
Ben lowered his head. It was a soft kiss, experimental, almost sweet. I sighed and closed my eyes. Then his tongue found mine and in one hot lick, all the sweetness was gone.
Ben traced the length of my spine, from hip to neck, before cupping the back of my head. “I told you I wouldn’t laugh, he said, pressing me into the sink.
I could feel his cock, hard and thick. I rubbed my hips against his.
“Why are you doing this, I gasped.
His hands paused on my ribcage, just beneath my swollen breasts.
“Sela, why do you think? You’re what I want. You’re what I think about when Kate is with Max.
Ben pulled back and looked straight into my eyes, his normally open gaze hooded and intense. Then his mouth was on mine again and world dropped away.
He raised my skirt up above my hips as I quickly unbuckled his belt. He’d barely pushed my panties aside before he entered me in one, hot thrust. Pressure began to build as his truly impressive erection desperately filled me up. His breathing went ragged and I lapped up the sound, drawing the pleasure out, but when I felt his thumb circle my clit, I fell right off the cliff. He followed me a few seconds later with a sound if such profound satisfaction that I nearly came again.
So now, when Max and Kate have their weekly date, Ben and I have ours. It’s wonderful all around. I know there are some who say you can’t have it all, but my god, you can get close.