Uncle Fucka

Recently, I spent the night at a sweetie’s apartment. I started thinking about how the girls should address her, or any other lovers of mine, when they get older.

My family, especially on my mom’s side, has, what we like to call, a gnarled family tree. Any blood relative within your generation is a “cousin, even if they aren’t your parent’s sibling’s kids. Older generational folks are aunts and uncles. Younger ones are nieces and nephews. It totally fucks with you when you’re trying to put together a family tree, but it’s wonderful for binding the extended family together. However, having my girls call my sweetie Aunt Sara would be¦a little weird. I’d rather not be having sex with their aunt.

In some ways, I’m a little old-fashioned. I’m not particularly a fan of youth calling adults by their first names. It’s what the girls do now, and I’ve kind of ignored it until recently. My landlord had come by to fix our dishwasher, and when he came in, the girls, in stereo, gave a very chipper “Hi Fred!* Considering how much money we’re paying to make sure they had a roof over their heads, “Mr. Waterman seems a bit more appropriate. However, the girls calling my lovers by their last name with their accepted title (Ms., Mrs., Dr., Mr., Mizz Thang, etc.), seems too stuffy to me. It’s like I’m having an affair with their teacher. Although actually, considering the number of kinky educators I’ve come across¦

I guess I’m stuck with whatever is comfortable for my lovers. Still, it’d sure be nice if there were a title that someone could come up with. Sweetie Sara or something else similar would be nice (although “Sweetie Sara sounds like a Care Bear). I’ll leave it to you, dear readers. Do you have any ideas? Feel free to put them in your comments.

* names changed to protect the innocent

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