This Is Not Your Mother’s Porn: Part 1

Today is Lady Porn Day.  It is a blog project that encourages women to think about porn, in a world where this remains taboo, in a world where many girls still expect their first orgasm to come from someone other than themselves.

When I bring up the topic of porn to my girlfriends I get pretty much the same response from all: it’s not for me, it’s gross, not romantic, smutty, fake, objectifying women, etc. I get that. I used to think the exact same way. But as a result of my education in human sexuality I’ve come to discover a new way of thinking.  That erotic images and stories can be used for female arousal as well.  I want you to know, in case you don’t, there is porn by women for women and that these things used for fantasy and pleasure can really be a turn on.

Porn, as it’s come to be known, can be found in many forms.  There is erotica, defined by the Oxford American Dictionary as “literature or art intended to arouse sexual desire.  Another form is adult video, which is what most people think of when they hear the word porn.

Erotica can be found everywhere and can be subtle or descriptive.  One of the earliest examples I remember experiencing that fit this definition was the book “Forever by Judy Blume. I also remember this book being highly coveted in junior high. Probably because it touched on an aspect of sex education that had not been addressed: PLEASURE!  We girls were starting to experience fantasy for the first time reading that book.  Fantasy was something else that wasn’t taught in our sex ed classes. As an adult studying sex I began to realize those two components – fantasy and pleasure – are key elements to beginning a healthy adult sexuality.

I have a few books that are considered erotica. My personal favorite is the book called “Aqua edited by Mary Anne Mohanraj. The book itself is made with waterproof pages and can thus be read while in the bathtub. All of the 18 stories in this book have a common theme of water. I’m not personally turned on by every story in this book, but I really think it is a wonderful collection because there seems to be something for everyone. This book is the first erotica I ever purchased and I have to say I was quite surprised to find stories that I didn’t think would turn me on actually did. Which proved to me that if I allowed myself to get out of my head that might not be a bad thing. And simply acknowledging that an unfamiliar story aroused me and moving on with my life was a much better approach than obsessing or freaking out or thinking something was wrong with me because I was turned on by something other than my “Norm.

Adult video sites are readily available on the Internet. And just as is the case with erotica, adult videos can be subtle or explicit. I started to think of viewing adult video as I do shopping for shoes; there are many, many different kinds and some are more appropriate than others in certain situations. For example, there is my personal favorite www.hegre-art.com which I would view as a classy high-heeled pump, there is also the playful Steve Madden style platform shoe I see as the genre hentai, there’s the dominatrix style high-heeled black boot of bondage video, and everything in between. Searching for adult video that suits you is almost as easy as shopping for the right shoe. There are categories and genres and fetishes that cater to your unique interests. If you want to see large cocks or small breasts or female friendly videos most sites are much more user-friendly now and you can zero in on exactly the style you want.   One of my girlfriends said she sees porn as a lazy way to get off. I see it as a potential tool to get the ball rolling in terms of female sexual desire and arousal.

As women and mothers, I think it is important for us to take a look for ourselves and find those forms of erotica that work for us and to familiarize ourselves with what is out there.  And if there isn’t anything that suits us to speak up and demand what *we* want to see¦ it’s all about supply and demand you know.  That way, when it comes time to talk to our daughters about sex and sexuality we can explain that they are complete, wonderful, lovable, beautiful beings without a man defining their sexuality for them.  Maybe we can even suggest to our daughters that they can feel intense pleasure on their own without needing a man to “give them their FIRST orgasm. Maybe we can even begin to introduce love and fantasy and pleasure as well “ and maybe even have a few tools at hand (pun intended).

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The MamaSutra

Mother of two girls. Holds a Bachelor of Science (Psychology) and a Certificate in Women's Studies from UW-Madison. Graduate of IASHS as Master of Human Sexuality. The articles you read here have goals in two main areas. 1) I strive to normalize conversations about sex and sexuality between parents and their children. To me this means helping parents accept and nurture their daughters' budding sexuality so they grow and learn to respect their bodies and accept their whole selves as they grow into strong, beautiful, powerful and healthy women. 2) Female Sexual Empowerment. Women deserve to learn about and explore the pleasure that can be felt through a full sexual life - however each of us may define that - without guilt, shame, or embarrassment.

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