There is a Wrong Word
Namely, being a femme bisexual woman.
It feels antiquated. Wrong somehow, like it shows “why yes there only is a gender binary and a bisexual person oscillates between these two” and “please teach me about the gender binary because I used this word so I obviously need to expand my mind”. It misses the recognition of a gender spectrum. It It misses the degree to which a bisexual person may be attracted towards a certain style of gender or another. It misses the opportunity to say, “I LIKE a gender expression” without speaking towards a preference of sex. If there is one. It makes a femme bisexual woman feel they are perceived as heterosexual – under many circumstances, as The Righteous Harlot outlined here.
So ok, go ahead and use “pansexual”. What does this feel like? Out goes the ability to say you enjoy certain gender expressions – no preference for femme, genderqueer or otherwise. Out goes the baggage you carry as a GLBT community member that comes out again and again. Because really, if someone said they were “pansexual”, it must mean they’re an educated queer person. It’s like “enough said”, this person is in the community. All is good.
What’s next? Go bigger? use “Queer”? What if you’ve been ostracized by other queer-identified folks for somehow not being ‘enough’? What if you need an understanding that your sexuality is complicated in public perception and expression? What if you don’t identify with a word that has been and can be used to inflict pain, and is something you’d use with people who understand its intentioned meaning?
Here’s the thing. You don’t need to decide on a label that is for someone else. You don’t need to be PC for the sake of community inclusion, avoiding judgement or just to make sure assumptions won’t be made about you. You need to find a word that fits you. That speaks to where you’re at now, that describes and encompasses what you need to identify about yourself. And just as you will learn to become accustomed to coming out again and again, to feeling like you justify yourself, you will learn to use your word. You will learn to stand by it, to explain it to the point that you want or need to, and not to share it beyond a capacity you don’t have. There is no wrong word, there is only you.