The Onion Looks Ahead: Gay Marriage in 2083

Yes, I know that the Onion is a humor site. But sometimes, their satire is just too good to not pass along.

In their piece Future U.S. History Students: ‘It’s Pretty Embarrassing How Long You Guys Took To Legalize Gay Marriage’ students from the future discuss the incomprehensibility of the resistance to gay marriage:

 

“Wow, that is nuts,” said student Jeremy Golliver, who claimed he knew gay rights was a struggle “like, a hundred years ago” but didn’t realize it lasted so long. “It’s really embarrassing, when you think about it. Just the fact that people in this century were actually saying things like, ‘No, gays should not be allowed to marry,’ and were getting all up in arms about it, as if homosexuals weren’t full citizens or something. It’s insane.”

“I mean, was everybody just a huge bigot back then or what?” Golliver added.

I know the line about “out of the mouths of babes”, but still.

 

“There were apparently these really important senators named John McCain and John Kerry who said that marriage should only be between a man and a woman,” said a visually baffled Kevin Wu-Picarsic, adding that he couldn’t imagine people like that actually being in charge of the country. “I guess in the end I feel really bad for gay people back then who loved each other and wanted to get married. What a sucky time to live.”

I think this is my favorite part:

 

Upon learning that gay marriage actually had to go to the Supreme Court, where it barely passed in a controversial 5-to-4 decision, students from the class of 2086 speculated that “maybe people were just dumber [in the early 2000s],” at which point student Eminem Robertson began to loudly impersonate a bumbling Supreme Court justice from the turn of the century, eliciting loud laughs of approval from classmates.

If these snippets aren’t enough for you, check out the rest of the piece. It’s hilarious! 🙂

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Dr. Charlie Glickman

Charlie Glickman is the Education Program Manager at Good Vibrations. He also writes, blogs, teaches workshops and university courses, presents at conferences, and trains sexuality educators. He’s certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, and loves geeking out about sex, relationships, sex-positivity, love and shame, communities of erotic affiliation, and sexual practices and techniques of all varieties. Follow him online, on Twitter at @charlieglickman, or on Facebook.

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