The Fun of a Fuck Buddy Part Four: Men’s Porn

Having made FB watch lots of porn made by and for women, I decided it was only fair to let him introduce me to some of the stuff he liked to watch. He looked up at the ceiling like he had to think about it when I asked and said his favorites were Jada Fire, Cytherea, and Jill Kelly. I bought some beer and a box of kleenex so we could have what I imagined a boys’ night in would be. Because I couldn’t stop myself going into research mode, while I was looking for their movies, I decided to find out about the women.

Jada Fire is best known for her insatiable appetite for anal sex and double penetration, Cytherea is known as the Goddess of Gush and the Princess of Squirt for her ability to ejaculate a veritable fountain of fluid when she comes, and Jill Kelly is most known for her lusty lesbian scenes and love for double penetration which is said to have helped make it a fan favourite.

I downloaded a few of their movies and stared at FB while he watched them, hand in pants, to see which bits, in particular, turned him on. I tried to get into it, I really did, but I pretty much ruined it for FB by critiquing the movies (“I like the fact that Jill Kelly’s have a plot and it seems like she can act. Also, they’re using condoms”, “Jada Fire is attractive, but doesn’t her constant swearing distract you?”, “Cytherea seems a bit of a one-trick pony and one day she’s going to blind someone. Do you want to see if I can squirt like that?”, “I’m really pleased to see the women are rubbing their clits while having intercourse – a lot of women think they should come through vaginal penetration alone, you know.”) till he took his hand out of his pants and said he was tired and going to bed. I finished my beer and followed him, thinking I’d carry on quizzing him about his choice of porn in the morning.

I didn’t want to put a total kibosh on porn, though, so I spent a while looking for something that might turn us both on. To be honest, I got a bit bored watching the porn online because so much of it is the same – the movies I found were, anyway. I flicked through movies with my morning coffee for an hour or so, getting turned on here and there, but nothing sent me hurrying off to get my vibrator so, books being more my thing, I thought I’d see what steamy reads were out there.

This was more fun. From lactation and breeder smut to bois, werewolves and naughty, dashing doctors, there’s a range of tales in writing that, in my admittedly fairly short, investigation of hetero porn online, I just hadn’t found. Lactation tales didn’t do much for me (that said, I’ve never lactated and the last time I was near breast milk I was a few months old and being fed by my mother so it’s quite possible I’d like it if I knew anything about it) and I’m not a fan of the scheming stepdaughter who always strikes me as a bit of a trope, but I loved the werewolf porn. It wasn’t so much the fact that they can turn into wolves, though being able to bite anyone who pissed me off could be handy. It’s more the attitude to sex: the women are fiery and passionate because, on heat and looking for a mate, they can’t be any other way and the sex is wild and fuelled by instinct and lust.

I tried reading some of it to FB, doing my best to sound heated and sort-of throaty, till he said he got the idea and was pleased I’d found something that turned me on. “Let’s fuck like wolves!” I said and howled. He got really into it, howling and tumbling about. I thought he was having a super time, till I realised he’d put his back out and the howls were actually cries of pain. He spent the rest of the weekend lying in bed recuperating and watching Jill Kelly while I read more smut and apologised every few minutes, promising I’d let him just watch porn in peace in future.


Are you looking for some hot and steamy erotic movies, too? Check out our new on-demand website, with lots of great choices. And of course, we have plenty of erotic books on our main site, too. Have fun!

Kate Gould

In no particular order, Kate Gould is a writer, Beethoven groupie, feminist, campaigner for sex workers' rights, tattooed lady, etiquette fanatic, insatiable reader, and commissioning editor at The Fine Line. She's doing a PhD in the medicalisation of sex at Edinburgh university and spends most of her time reading in her flat overrun by pet rats, Muffin, Milly, and Olivia. She's been a research assistant to Germaine Greer and Shere Hite, MORI pollster, book critic, magazine editor, over-worked publishing intern, nanny, English teacher, and hotel critic. Her book on flashers, Exposing Phallacy: Flashing in Contemporary Culture, is published by Zero Books. The best insult she's ever heard is “buckle-bunny wannabe” and the best thing she's ever eaten is the raspberry cheesecake in Gaia on Leith Walk.

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