Single Dads Need Self Love, Too

My personal everyday mug...

Sometimes I forget that there are dads out there who struggle just the same as moms do for time to themselves or with their partners. Selfish, selfish me! A friend of mine (who is a single father) recently asked me how I do it all while we had our weekly coffee via internet chat session. The conversation took a rather heartwarming turn, so I’ll paraphrase for you all.

Him: Gee, Kel. How do you do it all?

Me: Do what all?

Him: The mom thing, the writer thing, the lover thing, the clean-the-house-thing…

Me: Oh. Well, I guess I just take it one step at a time.

Him: If I have to watch one more Thomas the Train episode at bed time, I’m going to stab out my eyeballs.

Me: *silence*

Him: I’m going nuts!

Me: I know just the thing for you! When was the last time you got some?

Him: *Laughs*….I don’t even know.

Me: You should go toy shopping.

And then he smirked at me and asked what suggestions I had.

Not the kind you fry....

It would be very accurate to say that most stay at home dads or single dads (and even dads who fit neither of those categories or men in general) probably have as tough a time getting their alone time as moms and other women do. Especially if you’re dreams are filled with Thomas the Train episodes. Now I want to stab out my eyeballs, too, because that image is likely to be with me for a while.

Contrary to popular belief, I do not have a penis hidden somewhere between my legs. Nor do I have a set of balls under there either. I have a vagina, so I wouldn’t have a darn clue what sex feels like to those of us with a cock and balls. I do, however, know what my male friends seem to be raving all about, so I’ll share my findings.

Fellas, when you put your kids to bed, take about forty five minutes or so (whatever you can spare) and spend it only on yourself. Have a glass of wine or a beer. Watch television. Put on some good porn. Be proud that you are an awesome dad and know that you deserve a reward for it.

Once you can stop feeling so darned tense about things and learn to relax a little, get out your toys. If you don’t have any, buy some. Yeah, men like toys, too.

Guys, you could also try a Fleshlight Sleeve. They’re very popular. If I had a penis, I imagine it would be quite happy inside one of those things. The Fleshlights are getting great reviews and come in a few different variations now.


Aside from toy talk, you fellas out there amaze me. Science says that motherhood is instinctual (some can argue about this all day long–me being one of them), but science never once said anything about fatherhood being instinctual. Not that I know of anyhow. I can remember when I was a kid and my dad had me on his weekends how he would sometimes be at a total loss for how to care for and entertain a little girl. I made him play dolls with me, and he did. I made him take me to the pink aisles in all the stores, and he did. I made him put play make up on with me, and he did. I made him watch princess movies until he was blue in the face. He never once complained. You daddies out there amaze me.

Whether¬† you’re in a relationship, divorced, dating, in a poly relationship, or whatever else there is, one thing always remains the same (for the most part). Your children are always the apples of your eyes, your universes. It’s high time that someone else realize this and give you papas the respect and recognition that’s due.

Fleshlight Alien

My single dad friend finally decided on a Fleshlight Alien and some lube.¬† He also thanked me for being honest and not thinking that he was some sort of weirdo. Then, I reminded him that I’m spending the next six months or so writing a book about a real woman-Elizabeth Bathory- who had gigantic lesbian orgies with her auntie on a regular basis and then went home and slaughtered young virgin women so that she could bathe in their blood before going back upstairs to have even more sex (with whoever was available). He laughed at me, but in his head I know he realized that my point was valid. No matter what someone tells me about sex, I’m never shocked.

All people, dads included, like different things. That being said, don’t think that your wants or needs are not valid or that they’re weird. Especially if all you really want to begin with is to get off. In my opinion, just wanting a good orgasm and some relaxation is not only pretty vanilla, but also very normal and a very valid need. I’m thrilled to bits that my single dad friend finally found a toy that he likes and has figured out how to get the time alone to use it.

As for the rest of you, if you’ve finished bandaging up your eyeballs after watching the millionth episode of Thomas the Train that your tot has forced you to watch before bed, think about all of your other parent friends out there who are doing the same thing. You’re not alone. However, you do have the power within yourself to sort of reach out to your other friends and lend them an ear. If they’re slightly frustrated or possibly a little lonely, the answer to their problems might not be a zillion dollars worth of therapy bills that only make them even more frustrated. It may just be a friendly conversation and a new toy.
Happy Single Dads Fucking!

Good Vibrations

Good Vibrations is the premiere sex-positive, women-principled adult toy retailer in the US. An iconic brand and one of the world's first sex toy shops to focus specifically on women's pleasure and sexual education, Good Vibrations was founded by Joani Blank in 1977 to provide women with a safe, welcoming and non-judgmental place to shop for erotic toys. Good Vibrations has always included all people across the gender spectrum, and is a place where customers can come for education, high quality products, and information promoting sexual health, pleasure and empowerment. Customers can shop Good Vibrations' expertly curated product selection across any of its nine retail locations or on the website, where they can also find a wealth of information pertaining to sexual pleasure, exploration and education.

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