Sexy Mama: An Interview with Kendra Holliday, The Beautiful Kind
There’s been a lot of talk about your being outed and your process. How has that been for you?
The response to my coming out has been overwhelmingly positive and I could write a whole article about all the unicorns and sunshine that have come from being free and liberated in this repressed society. I’ll cut to the chase, though, and give you a glimpse of the not-so-sunny side: Coming Out should come with a warning label. My daughter is getting kicked out of her school. Parents are spreading unfair rumors about her based on fear and ignorance. In a spectacular show of cowardice and betrayal, my ex-husband is furiously blaming me for the turn of events and is limiting my time with my daughter and threatening to sue me for full custody. His nasty reaction fit NCSF’s cautionary advice against coming out as a parent with children under the age of 18 to a T. I’m currently seeking a national media venue to share the whole story, please wish me luck!
So yeah, this is why I came out. I refuse to be kept in a cage due to other people’s fear and ignorance. I do not believe I have done anything wrong. My ethics clash dramatically with the morals of society. And I have a new motto: “Breeders have sex, too!”
How has coming out given you new opportunities that you didn’t have before?
You bet! Coming out has opened new doors. No one was very interested in attending a blow job workshop led by a headless woman, for instance. I can be a spokesperson for the sex-positive community in my area. I’ve made some great connections – Christopher Ryan, the author of “Sex at Dawn” is supportive of my efforts, and I’ll be interviewing Nina Hartley next month for a community project.
You’ve written about being a mother. What has your family’s response been like? How have parents of your child’s friends responded?
My parents have been unconditionally supportive. My siblings have been cautiously curious. I’m incredibly close with my daughter, she is very proud of me, and vice versa! My partner has been a boulder of strength. I am no longer allowed to be around some of my child’s friends. Some people fear and loathe me. It’s an odd sensation to be the center of so many intense emotions.
You recently launched Sex-Positive St. Louis. What’s the sex-positive community in St. Louis like? What are some of your plans?
There has been a chasm in the Midwest separating the East and West coasts.
It’s my goal to mend and nurture that gaping wound and connect the dots for a sex-positive nation. I’m one of the four co-founders of Sex Positive St. Louis. We hosted our first happy hour last week, and the response was fantastic. We had 60 people attend, all speaking honestly and earnestly, faces shining and minds open. The energy was terrific, and it carried over into the next night when we threw our first fundraiser for SEX+STL. 60 people came to that as well. It turned into something like that movie Shortbus, only better! And it happened in St. Louis! People felt like they were in a dream! A very good, sexy dream. 🙂 We’ll be planning all kinds of events, something for everyone, from small discussion groups to big un-conferences. We’ll also be collaborating with others in the community to build a sex-positive lending library. It’s extremely exciting to be part of a sexual Renaissance!
As a sex consultant, where did you learn about sexuality? What do you wish you had known when you started out?
I have very little formal training or education as a sex consultant. All of the information and ideas I share with other people are based on being self-taught and 25 years of personal experience. That doesn’t mean I’m declaring, “Hey I’m sexually active, therefore I’m an expert.” If I’m curious about a fetish or lifestyle, I jump in and get firsthand experience. I’ve had hundreds of sexual partners and countless unconventional experiences. Fisting, triads, orgies, golden showers, sex work, BDSM – my website is my vita. Others learn from my experiences, both good and bad. I’m happy to share my personal stories and resources if it can save others time and grief. I’ve worked hard and had to be courageous to get to where I am. Everyone deserves to be happy and accepted for who they are. The key to happiness and health? Love, acceptance and respect.