Sex Jokes With My Kids?!?!
Generally my sense of humor is comparable to a 14 yr old boy, excluding fart and poop jokes, most of the time. I love to make jokes with sexual innuendos. One liners, flirty quips, whatever works in that moment. It is pretty impulsive, I cannot help myself. I will say sexually explicit jokes almost everywhere. The rare places I hold my tongue are in a crowd of toddlers who don’t understand sex jokes anyway and sometimes at work where it would be deemed “inappropriate”. Otherwise, if it sounds even slightly like sex, I can make it into a joke.
A few years ago I played ultimate on a team called “That’s What SHE Said” and this fit my sense of humor and my personality perfectly. Especially since virtually every comment was followed by the phrase “That’s what SHE said”. We often wrote the filthiest cheers ever heard on an ultimate field. References to sucking cock, licking ass and eating pussy were the norm. And it always, *always* got worse. As the team members got older and older, the cheers got raunchier and raunchier.
At some point all these adults began having babies and raising them. One might have expected that we all would have chilled out the sexy talk and gotten a little more conservative. Not this crowd. It seemed like having kids around ramped it up to ridiculous levels. Of course the point was always entertainment, always getting the laugh. But at some point it seemed that shock value became a part of the game, too. Could 40 old geezers with 11 kids running around still manage to make a bunch of 20-somethings laugh and blush at the same time? We did. OVER and OVER. And then, we just made them look down at the ground with wide eyes and uncomfortable grins.
Our kids got older, they grew up in this environment. At home, we started talking about sex and sexual boundaries very early in their lives. My husband and I have always wanted to make sure that our kids know two things about sex: First of all, sex is not dirty, it is fun and a normal part of life. Second, we wanted them to know that we are open about sex and willing to talk about it whenever they are ready. At times, it goes past the kids comfort zone and they let us know that, but they get the message clearly. They know that we are not shy about sex.
We talk about sex in our household, we write cheers about it on the sports field. They are EXPOSED. They have heard detailed information about sex from birth. The questions and the culturally ingrained judgments start: Does it damage the children to be exposed to this humor? How could they not be completely defiled and emotionally damaged by all this exposure? Obviously I am participating in rampant child abuse in so many ways.
Well the truth is, kids can hear all the smarm, they vaguely know that they are hearing the adults say “bad words”. But as it turns out that they do not really understand it until they hit puberty. Seriously. I have seen all the kids join in and sing the cheers, mouthing filthy lines right along, smiling and singing as if it’s the same songs they learned in preschool. Singing, “My daddy stuck it in her ass, my mommy is a hooooo” with the same joy and enthusiasm with which they would sing “Old MacDonald had a farm, eee iii eee iii oooooooo!”
My eldest son just turned 13 this year. And after years of ignoring my sexual joking, I recently noticed that something clicked and he laughed at my jokes! He smiles or giggles and he even makes eye contact when he understands the joke. It’s been a sweet new way of communicating with him. He and I have bonded over the silliest dumb sex jokes now. I made a raunchy comment the other day at a party, and I said it ONLY TO MY SON. What a wild thought that is in my head!
I am loving the idea of my children being comfortable with the fact that we can joke about sex, and I have high hopes that it means that my son is very comfortable with his own sexuality and that of others. And of course, my fantasy is that the reason he is so comfortable is because he has been SO exposed to sex as a positive norm in his life. I want to believe more than anything else that my children have not been harmed by the exposure, but that a healthy way of making all of it comfortable for my children is to joke and laugh about sex. Perhaps I am fooling myself, but so far, the collateral damage seems minimal and now there is one more person to laugh at my dirty jokes!