Sex Educator Profiles: Mkali-Hashiki
What led you to become a sex educator?
I’ve always been really interested in sex, even from a young age. I read a lot about it & talked a lot about it, and somehow became the person in my social & professional circles who people came to when they had a question about sex.
What kinds of sex education do you offer?
I offer “Somatic Sex Education”. Generally whatever sex education we’re given when we’re growing up involves processing with the brain either something we’re told, or something we’ve read (or something we’ve seen). Somatic Sex Education gives information directly to the body & let’s the body do the processing, bypassing all the tapes that play in our heads about what is “normal” or what is “supposed” to feel good.
Where did you get your education in sexuality?
Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex, The Joy of Sex, Cosmopolitan (my mother had a subscription when I was in my pre-teens & I read it avidly), and “learning by doing”.
What do you love about giving sex advice?
I love helping people learn to trust their body. I love helping people discover pleasure that they’ve been afraid to let themselves experience. You can see the light going on in their faces, and the weight lifting from their body. There’s nothing like beholding body- based joy & being so lucky to be able to guide people there.
What is your most common question?
I don’t know if these count as questions exactly, but most of my female clients are interested in “G-spot pleasure” and almost *all* of my male clients want to explore prostate pleasure.
What is your favorite sex toy or product and why?
It’s all about the Hitachi Magic Wand, baby!
How do you think your website is different from others out there?
My website is way damn wordy, lol. But I think it does a very accurate job of explaining why I think the Erotic is so important in our lives. At least I hope my website does a great job of explaining that. I think a lot of sex education is limited to the body & the genitals, and to the physical act of “sex” & my approach also involves the spirit & soul. I made a conscious decision to tone down some of the spiritual aspect, so as not to scare off people, but I don’t actually think you can approach sexuality without intentionally dealing with spirituality, since they are so intertwined, and because most of our “sex is bad” thinking comes directly from religion.
Where do you teach? If you travel, what is it like? Where was your favorite place to teach? Most unusual panel or experience?
In addition to my individual sessions, I also teach classes in Erotic Breathwork, mostly geared towards Women of Color or Queer Women. I’ll be teaching teleclasses on Erotic Wellness starting next year. I’ve also done panels & workshops all around the country including Hamilton College, the Creating Change Conference, and the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival. One of my favorite workshops was always “Being an SM Feminist: not an oxymoron” at Michigan. Ok, I don’t remember if that was the title, but it was close. I currently also teach medical students how to give competent & painless pelvic exams & the look of wonder & awe on a students face when they see my cervix, or feel my ovarian pulse is simply priceless.
What was the most interesting thing you learned in your exploration of sex?
That giving blowjobs is not a demeaning experience. 😀
What do you think is the biggest misconception about sex?
That if you’re in love with someone, they can easily “make” you orgasm.
Which is your favorite project that you’ve worked on?
My website. It was a hair-pulling “labor of love”.
What is your best piece of sex advice for women?
Get up close & personal with your vulva. Know what it looks like. Explore it on your own. Listen to what she wants to tell you.
What projects are you working on now?
Designing the curriculum for my Erotic Wellness teleclass for next year.
Where can people find out more about you?
My website: www.BodyEnstasy.com I’m trying to keep my blog “The Enstatic Body” updated as well. Emphasis on “trying”, lol.