Sex Educator Profiles: Mistress Minax
How did you start giving sex advice?
That’s a really good question, because I’ve actually been giving people sex advice all my adult life, long before I had any veritable qualifications. In fact, I can recall being 10 years old and informing my sister – who was worried about getting pregnant from a tampon – that that wasn’t possible! So let’s just say that sex has always been pertinent in my life… so much so that I went on to make it a main focus in my career.
In addition to my “private practice propensities,” I have given sex advice in some truly delightful contexts, and am always looking for exciting new ways to share my knowledge. I have been a resident sexpert for the Art Institute of Chicago (as part of a series called “Ask Me” featuring experts in different fields – Israel/Palestine relations, Power Rangers, etc), have participated in “Sidewalk Ask a Doctor” with Annie Sprinkle, and am currently dishing out advice on the Carnal Nation Perv Panel.
Where did you get your education?
I have a Master’s degree in feminist theory, which certainly influences my work. I have also studied piercing and branding with Fakir Musafar, taken Urban Tantra classes with Barbara Carrellas and Dossie Easton, and am not only a graduate of the Cleo Dubois Academy of SM Arts, but also a head staff instructor there now. I am always learning from those that I work with, and have a longstanding interest in bodywork, tantra, hypnosis, colonics, and related arts. My work is also influenced by my circus and theatrical training. I have attended countless BDSM, kink and sexuality conferences, and have presented at a great number of them. I have recently been certified for Bondassage, created by Jaeleen Bennis and am considering pursuing certification in colonics and hypnosis.
Although Cleo Dubois has never officially claimed the title of mentor, she has certainly influenced my work and outlook intensely and extensively. Sybil Holiday has been another amazing influence for me, as has Mistress Magick in Australia. I’ve also learned a lot from working closely with Selina Raven over the years.
What do you love about giving sex advice?
What’s not to love? Giving advice is fun, and giving sex advice is more fun. I really like helping people, so if someone comes to me with an issue and I can help them work it out, it makes me happy to know that they have found better ways of being happy and engaged in the world. Sex is crucial to living a fulfilled and integrated life, so working out those personal niches is imperative to me.
What is the most difficult or hard-to-answer question you’ve ever received?
The most challenging question in recent memory is the question I fielded for the last “Perv Panel” on Carnal Nation, about how to make kinky love last. It’s so complex on so many levels, and taps into philosophical arguments about love and passion that have been going on for generations.
What is your favorite sex toy and why?
I can’t pick just one! If I had to pick two I would say the Hitachi Magic Wand and the Betty Dodson barbell. If I had to chose between them, if absolutely forced, I would choose the Hitachi Magic Wand. It does what it’s supposed to do in a timely, efficient and remarkable manner, and it works on all genders, persuasions and personality types, with a partner or solo. If only all technology were so simple, versatile, and competent! The Hitachi is foolproof.
The Dodson barbell is another wonderfully versatile tool. One instrument that can work for all persons and personalities, cunts or assholes, sex play or kegel exercises, meditative work or just plain fucking someone silly! It has a delightful heft to it, and can be easily cleaned.
Together they are divine:)
Where do you teach? If you travel, what is it like? Where was your favorite place to teach? Most unusual panel or experience?
First and foremost I will mention the Erotic Dominance Weekend Intensives at the Cleo Dubois Academy of SM Arts, where I have been a lead staff instructor for many years. We offer a passionate, sustained approach to BDSM training that is truly unique and valuable.
I have taught at so many wonderful events that it’s hard to list them all. Numerous workshops and classes at conferences and kink events all over the U.S. Here in San Francisco I have been giving classes at Good Vibrations and the SF Citadel.
As for the most unusual panel I’ve been on, I have to say the Alternative Gender panel at Boston Fetish Flea Market because it was so well attended! Not sure if I understand “unusual” though. 😉
What was the most interesting thing you learned in your exploration of sex?
That all urethras are fun to stretch!
What are your experiences at Good Vibrations?
Good Vibrations is terrific, with super helpful, friendly, knowledgeable, staff who are totally engaged with their work. My presentations there have always been well-received, and I look forward to giving many more.
How has what you’ve done or found at Good Vibrations helped you?
I found my nutrition coach/monkey-boy-pet at an event there, and have subsequently become healthier and happier! So you never know what interesting people you’ll run into at Good Vibrations. More generally, I am always helped by a pleasant environment and an enthusiastic audience, and Good Vibrations delivers both with style.
What would be your number one piece of advice for someone interested in a career of sex education?
Be passionate about it, because if you don’t have the passion and desire, the rest will not fall into place. In all careers, passion drives success and happiness… but especially in sex education, you must have that enthusiasm and faith in your work.
Much like a physician, you need knowledge, experience, compassion, and empathy, as well as a good “bedside manner”. So if you have the desire and the passion, you must develop the rest. Get out there and live, learn, love, experience!
What’s the best thing you’ve learned or best advice you’ve received?
So many skills… but without a doubt, the best thing I’ve learned is bondage. Bondage can be used in any and every scenario, and the rest is cake. It’s easily mastered, and infinitely useful.
The best advice I’ve received was given to me by my boy Madsen. “Dumb it down, Ma’am,” i.e. slow down and spell things out for people so that you reach a broader audience. It’s all too easy to forget how specialized and even esoteric some of our more extreme practices and ideas are to some.
A good example of this was a question I received when I presented a class on Female Supremacy versus Female Domination at the Leather Rose in Chicago. One of the opening questions was “You mean there are female supremacists out there?” and from there it got worse: “What do you know about dominating a guy? Aren’t you a lesbian?” In such case one feels like a remedial sex educator! Nothing to be done but grin and bear it, and try to broaden the audience’s understanding.
What do you think is the biggest misconception about sex?
I would say that people think orgasm is easy, that you won’t have to work for it. Every movie, everything we see is wham-bam and then a cigarette after. Obviously it’s not quite so cinematic in real life, and many people struggle, or don’t have partners willing to do the work, or don’t have the necessary communication. And then people are shocked when they get good sex, when someone takes the time to figure it out. It isn’t so hard when all is said and done, but it isn’t so easy either, and we shouldn’t be embarrassed about doing that work with ourselves and our partners, and making that exploration sexy and fun and functional.
What is your best piece of sex advice for women?
Practice self love! Learn to pleasure yourself so that you know what you want from sex. Then learn to communicate that to your partners. If you need a bit of guidance on the road to erotic self-knowledge, I highly recommend the work of Betty Dodson, a true pioneer in this area. Alternately, seek out a fabulous woman such as myself to help you figure it out.
What projects are you working on now?
Quite a few now that I try to list them all out! First and foremost, I am continuing to work on my Minax Mini-Mansion and Dungeon-ette. I continue to teach at the Cleo Dubois Academy of SM Arts, write my monthly column for Carnal Nation and answer questions for their Perv Panel. I’m also developing new course work to present at various conferences in the coming year, and am considering starting my own podcasting program to give fun and interesting SM and sex advice.
I have been expanding into Bondassage work – a fun and interesting fusion of bondage and massage – and have recently completed certification for that. I have a few video shoots coming up for my Clips4Sale store, so I will be directing producing and performing for those. I’m also shooting with SeriousBondage.com, and will be doing a shoot for Crash Pad Series in a few months.
There are a few ambitious projects in the early or conceptual phases as well… I have been compiling a recipe and fitness SM book which pairs meals with scenes, and am considering producing a public access Domme Cooking show. Never a dull moment!
Where can people find out more about you?