Sex Educator Profiles: Julian Wolf
At nineteen I not only started my life as a sexual person, but I also met and feel into a relationship with a woman who took me to my first BDSM conference, where she was teaching. I attended her classes at her request and found myself answering questions and contributing. I loved sex from the first time I had it and wanted nothing but to be great at it. The transition to educator was a very easy one, though it didn’t occur to me to teach on my own until a couple of years after that first relationship was over.
What kinds of sex education do you offer?
My main focus is in making the relationships that you have better. I talk about relationship dynamics, role playing, communication and a whole slew of fun things that you can do with good friends. I also speak on polyamory and other forms of consensual non-monogamy. Of course I love teaching on kinky topics, but the skill sets to have a better time with the ones you love are very good ones to have.
How did you start giving sex advice?
I’ve been a performer for much of my life, and started performing at conventions and 20, and clubs at 21. The transition from stage to being asked questions at the bar was a very quick one. Heck, even in high school, before I was sexual myself, people came to me for relationship advice. Teaching classes focused on the bedroom and writing a column has been a more recent experience, but people coming to me for sex and relationship advice has been a part of my life for over a decade.
Where did you get your education in sexuality?
Greatly from experience, at least a first, and then from extensive research and attendance at every class and conference that I could get myself too. On average I’ve attended about four conferences a year since 2001 and I go to as many classes as I can, learning from people such as Midori, Jay Wiseman, Dossie Easton and many more every year.
What do you love about giving sex advice?
The idea that people are having a better time in their own skin because they opened their mind enough to come and play is what I love the most. I don’t think that I’m the only means to this end, but I feel that it is a sacred bond to be trusted with affairs of the heart, and of the body.
What is your most common question?
Questions in the ream of: “how can I find more people like me? Hands down, people want to know if they are unique, and if so (or if not) how to find others either like them, or who will like them for who they are, and will also hopefully do the things that they want to do.
What is the most difficult or hard-to-answer question you’ve ever received?
The questions that are beyond my scope of support- sometimes what people need is professional medical assistance. Being gentle and sincere while still getting the point across is sometimes difficult.
What is your favorite sex toy or product and why?
Oh, this is a tough one! Hands down, blindfolds are one of the best things your creativity can give you. They spice up just about everything, and can easily train your senses into a hedonistic way of thinking. That’s a recommendation as well as a personal favorite.
How do you think your book/film/website is different from others out there?
My book on the art and artistry of wax play will be both high art, and high information. It will give useful information in a format that I haven’t seen before in a way that will be accessible to those that are interested in the art or the methods described. “Waxing Ecstatic should be coming out this year.
While I don’t have a film, I am a consultant for film. You can find me on IMD under my name. (I’m Julian Wolf I) I’ve been a BDSM, Goth and alternative lifestyle consultant for several independent films, as well as worked on locations, specialty casing and costuming. I’m looking forward to working on some larger projects in this realm, and my work in media is very different that the current precedent of people trying to represent communities and subcultures that they are not familiar with.
My websites, www.JulianWolf.net, www.LeatherQueer.com are intended to be informative, detailed and to a certain degree, entertaining. They are not focused on the underground, but on good information presented in an artistic and pleasant format. Both are works in progress, and it is in the works for Leather Queer to be a main focus this year and become what it was always intended to be- a highly focused website that not only offers commercial services (such as links to my media and relationship consulting) but also a resource for people who either identify as or are curious about the concept of being Leather Queer.
My column, Carnal Conundrums, is sex-positive and sub-culture focused advice designed for New Mexico. It’s all the things that the big national columns aren’t, the column answers questions specifically about life in and around our state and I’ve been to the places that I recommend. It’s not just about New Mexico, but having a local voice and proved to be very useful for many of my readers.
Where do you teach? If you travel, what is it like? Where was your favorite place to teach? Most unusual panel or experience?
I teach everywhere that will have me! I’ve taught in a variety of places from California to Ohio and in between and am looking to teach many more places as well. I hope to teach out of the country in the near future as well.
I do travel, and the experience varies. Airport aren’t the easiest to handle with a “bag full of tricks and the costumes to match, but travel isn’t just that. I love meeting new people, seeing new places and experiencing different parts of our culture, not to mention different ones. The vocabulary that we use and our styles and preferences vary every several hundred miles and it is fascinating to watch and experience.
The first place I ever taught regionally will always have a very special place in my heart. Arizona has had me teach, perform, MC, and a variety of other things as well. I love going to Arizona to teach because in part, they’ve helped make me who I am today; but also because I have family there. The willingness of the Leather Community there to connect to their spiritual side something that resonates deeply with me.
The most interesting panel I ever sat on was at Folsom Fringe two years ago. The topic was “Queering Up Our Labels and it was lead by Lady Hilary. It was unusual because I found out things about the panel itself that I wasn’t expecting, and learned much about myself. As far as unusual experiences, that would have to be the most recent one- where one of the organizers of an event decided to give me the title of “Wizard of Wax. It’s not everyday that one is called a wizard, and expected to live up to it.
What was the most interesting thing you learned in your exploration of sex?
Everyone has beauty inside of them. The things people experience, and how they experience them is natural magic, and that’s not only interesting, it’s something worth fighting for.
How has what you’ve done or found at Good Vibrations helped you?
Sex positive sex shops are something to be celebrated. The days of sleazy porn shops are over. Sexuality is to be celebrated, and at Good Vibrations the party is always rocking.
What would be your number one piece of advice for someone interested in a career of sex education?
Firstly, don’t teach on any subject that you aren’t deeply passionate and very knowledgeable about. This career is not “easy money nor should it be. Giving misinformation is harmful, and there’s more than enough misinformation out there without people who actually care messing things up because they want to have a good time.
Secondly, don’t give medical or psychological advice unless you are qualified to do so.
What’s the best thing you’ve learned or best advice you’ve received?
Ask for what you want! Best thing I’ve learned and the best advice that I’ve given- or can give. If you ask, you’re much more likely to receive.
What do you think is the biggest misconception about sex?
That sex in itself is either forbidden or that it’s forbidden to have a good time. I don’t feel that sex should be taken so lightly that people aren’t concerned about safety, but it shouldn’t be taken so seriously that you can’t laugh and have a good time while in the act, or even just negotiating the act. We, as humans, are built for pleasure, and it is a great tragedy that people either forget that or aren’t aware of it.
Which is your favorite project that you’ve worked on?
Well, the longest project, hands down has been New Mexico: the Next Generation. I co-founded the group in 2002 and we just celebrated seven years of events, meetings, sponsorships, educational offerings and many play parties. I’ve served as chairman (or co-chair) this entire time, and am looking forward to stepping down as chairman in the near future. As far as favorite project? You know, I don’t know that I can decide because there have been so many. I produce shows and have some wonderful ones, and been extensively involved in conferences such as Rio Grande Leather, so I don’t know that I can single out one project, though working on my first book is proving to be both challenging and wonderful.
What is your best piece of sex advice for women?
Ask for what you want and wait until someone can give it to you. You are worth the time and effort, and you deserve to have fulfilling and fun sexual experiences.
What projects are you working on now?
My websites are always near and ear to my heart, as is my column, Carnal Conundrums. My book on the art and artistry of wax play is in the works and should be available this year. I’ve also been dancing and working on performance art and have been focusing more time on interviews such as this one, and writing for more than just my column. I’m looking forward to 2010 to be very fruitful in the realms of writing, education and art, and I can’t wait to travel more.
Where can people find out more about you?
My official website is JulianWolf.net, and you can find my writing at The Weekly Alibi’s website. The interview they gave me a few years ago is there, as well as my newest article, an interview with Dossie Easton. Those are two of the best places to find out what’s going on. The Links page at my website will take you to all the other sites that I have accounts on and my blogs. Feel free to ask me questions, I’m easy to find.