Sex Educator Profiles: Dossie Easton
What led you to become a Sex Educator?
I think my biggest motivation was the struggle I had for quite a few years to grasp my own sexuality, starting somewhere around 1961 when there were no books worth reading and before what I think of as “the discovery of the clitoris”. I thought I was crazy at first, and then gradually began to realize that I was living in a crazy society.
How did you start giving sex advice?
Since I learned anything, but particularly in 1969 when I was developing my never-again-monogamous lifestyle and insuring that whoever was in my bed wanted ot play the same game I wanted to play.
I joined San Francisco Sex Information in 1973, was active with them for 12 years.
Where did you get your education?
The University of Life.
What do you love about giving sex advice?
That so often useful and accurate information and pleasure-positive permission can free people to realize their desires and create the sex lives they want.
What is your most common question?
How do we keep passion alive in a long term relationship.
What is the most difficult or hard-to-answer question you’ve ever received?
I have worked with some people who are sex offenders, and have had to do the very hard work of unlearning a sexual pattern that was problematic, non-consensual and got them arrested. This has been rewarding work – only the motivated seek private therapy to work on these issues – but very difficult to look at how a person can discover and build a satisfying sex life that works for them and for other people.
How has what you’ve done or found at Good Vibrations helped you?
I used to hold Pleasure Parties with Joani’s support, way back when. I love it that Good Vibes knows the products they sell, and tests them for usefulness and durability and the like.
What’s the best thing you’ve learned or best advice you’ve received?
To enter into sexual engagements as Crowley put it, “devoid of the lust of result.” Which to me means to stay in the present and enjoy every connection, every sensation, and let go of worrying about where we are going. We’ll know when we get there.
What do you think is the biggest misconception about sex?
That there is some perfect ideal healthy “normal” way of having sex that is the best way, and that all other ways are somehow inferior. Everyone should be encouraged and supported in discovering the best way for them, and beyond that, I may have a best way and there are a lot of other really good ways and some okay ways that I can learn something from or please someone else and even the maybe not great ways aren’t really that bad.
Which is your favorite project that you’ve worked on?
Writing books with my co-author, Janet W. Hardy.
What is your best piece of sex advice for women?
You sexuality belongs to you, you get to share it however you like, but it’s still yours.
What projects are you working on now?
We’ve just released a second edition of Ethical Slut and I’m doing a lot of work around that, thinking about what I’d like to write next. My next book may be an entire book about the deeper meanings of role playing, and the spiritual paths that we can travel in SM role play. And I’m always studying and going deeper into how people grow and change, my private practice as a therapist is a constant source of challenge and inspiration.
Where can people find out more about you?