Practice Makes Perfect
I’m always struck by how different it is hanging out as a family and hanging out with just my partner. We love our family time. Our kiddos are so much fun and at ages where we do just that: hang out. We play games, cards, watch movies, get outside and play. All of it is great fun.
There are times though when I just crave alone time with my partner. I know the feeling when it has just been too long since we just related as adults. We do our best during hectic weeknights to grab those precious minutes before bed to catch up from the day. And hopefully more often than not make time for some sexy pleasure whatever form it may take that night.
As I blogged before, we love our date nights. They keep us connected and moving forward happily and harmoniously. But it is more than that. We have time to look at each other as each other’s partner & lover. It is important to me to sometimes let the fact that we parent together be secondary. Of course, being parents together brings us joy and challenges and we are grateful for such an amazing role. Sometimes though I need to look into his eyes and know he is there for just me, even if it is just for a few minutes, whether on date night or just at home together.
We spend so much time as parents focusing on other people: our awesome kiddos. Sometimes giving myself permission to be a bit selfish and crave a bit of focused energy from my partner is just what I need. I know that my kiddos will be better for it after I am able to connect my partner and get recharged.
Being able to relate on the level of adults, partners, lovers is a key step for me in being able to shed the happenings of the day and the chores that await. When I am distracted by the other roles in my life, it is a challenge for me to be fully present and enjoy my partner, but also to give energy back to him.
When we connect in this way. When we are both able to remember the things we find so incredible and inspiring about one another, intimacy just seems to flow. Shedding the other roles and connecting as the lovers that we are makes it easy to relax into a comfortable, relaxed, undistracted sexual life.
I’m hardly suggesting any of that is easy. It all takes time and a concerted, focused effort. Mindfulness, attention toward one another, surrendering the rest of the minutia in favor of melting into one another is a choice. With more and more practice exercising that choice, it comes more easily and naturally. You’ll crave that type of time and attention.
So grant yourself permission to be selfish on a regular basis. Make the choice to relinquish any role besides lover, just for a bit. And practice, because practice make perfect.