Polyamory: Some Kitties Are Just Like That

Last week, I was chatting with a friend who was telling me about her polyamory difficulties. Specifically, she’s perfectly happy having multiple partners, but some of the guys she’s met have tried to convince her to be monogamous with them and she’s rather frustrated with that, understandably.

Her story reminded me of the first cat that ever came into my life. Carter was a huge orange tom cat who terrorized the neighbors’ cats, and in once case, a Doberman Pinscher. But with people, he was sweet and friendly. In fact, he was so friendly that he managed to convince several people up and down our street to feed him. He’d always sleep at our house (usually on my bed), but during the day, he’d wander to various houses, collecting food and attention as was his due.

Some cats are like that and if you try to shut them into your house, they’ll pee on your pillow. Trying to control them only makes everyone miserable. Really, you just have two choices. Either you accept them for what they are and enjoy what they offer you, or you stop feeding them and they’ll go find more congenial houses to visit. Of course, not all cats are like that. In fact, many of them are perfectly content to be a one-family kitty. But nothing good ever comes from trying to convince a cat to be something that she isn’t.

I think the same thing applies to some folks and monogamy. Lots of people are totally content with and prefer to be with one person. Some people might prefer multiple partners, but if they find someone who wants them to be monogamous, they can make that work. (With varying degrees of success, obviously.) And for some folks, that’s simply not going to work. The more they try to force it, the more unpleasant the situation becomes.

Don’t blame the cat for not being who you want her to be. >^..^<

Dr. Charlie Glickman

Charlie Glickman is the Education Program Manager at Good Vibrations. He also writes, blogs, teaches workshops and university courses, presents at conferences, and trains sexuality educators. He’s certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, and loves geeking out about sex, relationships, sex-positivity, love and shame, communities of erotic affiliation, and sexual practices and techniques of all varieties. Follow him online, on Twitter at @charlieglickman, or on Facebook.

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