Poetry, Erotica, Sexting and Toys: How Long Distance Relationships Can Be the Hottest of All
I hardly ever have sex with someone else. But my sex life is hotter than almost anybody I know.
About three years ago, I would have sung a different tune. I remember a time when it seemed to me like all of my mommy friends were blissful in their marriages while mine fell apart. Just months after babies were born, it seemed that these women resumed sexual activity, happily enacted the roles that were expected of them, and succeeded seemingly effortlessly. Meanwhile, I was repulsed by the prospect of resuming sexual activity with my child’s father, and began to believe I was asexual. Separation, resentment, and the stress of parenting: these are not exactly aphrodisiacs.
One day my mommy friend gave me a gift that changed me. She gave me a vibrator. (Thank you, Mommy Friend!)
Three years later, I have been a single parent for the majority of my child’s life. I hardly date. And my sex life is incredible. My sex life is better than it has ever been before and, I dare say, better than the sex lives of my seemingly-blissful mommy friends too. A LOT better.
My special recipe for a titillating sex life is a combination of technology and creativity. Mmm hmm, that’s right. There is plenty of fuel to feed a fire of romance even if you don’t have much time to be with your partner or if you live far apart. Between Skyping, texting, emailing and social networking, there are lots of ways to stay connected¦ each with its own potential for unique brands of flirting. Enjoy the art of sexting, anyone? Come on. You know you love to sext.
Now that I have finally made peace with my fate, I have met my match(es) in people who are as fearless and exploratory as I am. This is where the poetry and erotica come into play. Writing is my craft and I am drawn to other writers. Through shared writing, I have experienced intimacy much deeper than I have achieved in person (so far in my life.) The key is finding a partner who can express hirself, and learning to express myself too. Through poetry I can express what’s in my heart and through erotica I can express my deepest desires. I begin stories; s/he adds on the next chapter. S/he sends me prompts or assignments; I complete them like sexy homework. I send hir an erotic poem by text¦ one line at a time. S/he sends me toys in the mail. Attention to each other’s pleasure and understanding of each other’s psychology is exponentially magnified by the creativity we must employ in our sex life. It’s intense and my body has never felt more alive.
Here’s a little tip for anybody who is engaging in a long-distance relationship or one that is hindered by time constraints: Send each other sex toys. Do it! It is a loving and sensual way to keep the sexual part of your relationship alive and flourishing. My partner sent me the Pop Tops Deluxe Silicone G-spotter last week and I am a new woman! The elusive g-spot and its potential for pleasure are very real, and finally I can reach it! Oh I cannot get enough of this new addition to my solitary/shared (and very active) sex life.
You know what this did to me??? It made me want to reward hir. It made me get creative. I made me turn expressing my desires into an art form of which the creative process is half the pleasure. Wouldn’t you enjoy having your partner feels this way when she thinks about you? Sending the gift of sex toys is an investment in exciting and pleasing your partner and in building the intimacy between you. Tell her to call you while she’s using it; tell her to write you a story about what she visualized while she used it; or send her hot text messages while she uses it. You may find, like I have, that your sex life skyrockets to levels far beyond those you have even achieved during actual sex. (Then dare each other to allow your bodies to catch up to where your shared dirty minds have taken you once you finally get the chance¦)
My sex life is on fire, and yet I hardly ever have sex with another person. It turns out sexuality is far more than a compilation of sex acts. It has infinitely more potential to connect us than I realized back when I was jealous of my married mommy friends. Now they are all jealous of me! If I wasn’t me I’d be jealous of me too. But I share the wealth. I bought Mommy Friend, giver of my first vibrator, a Silicone G-spotter this week. Both she and her husband will thank me.