Pleasure Revolution: Reframing Sex Toys
It’s come to my attention through conversations with friends and experiences with clients there is resistance to indulging in sex toys and a glaring and pervasive misconception about such pleasure objects. I feel a responsibility for making the case for letting go of the resistance and misconception as research is strongly on our side.
We are all subject to the cultural myth that sex toys are meant to be kept a secret¦under the mattress or in the very back of the nightstand drawer under that book you never read. Why is that? Maybe it is the pervasive cultural sex-negativity. Maybe it is our inability to accept pleasure. Maybe it is the perception that sex toys are only for people who have poor lovers or no other lovers at all. Time to counter those myths and reframe those misconceptions.
For those who found their way to this page, I hope you are living passionately in the sex-positive world or are on your personal journey to get there. Embracing sexuality as a valued facet of self makes for healthier behaviors.
As we live in our sex-positive worlds, I hope we can all agree is that pleasure is good. We all deserve pleasure. Pleasure can be simple and easy to come by if only we surrender.
That leaves the last misconception about sex toys that they are an either-or proposition: Either you have a skilled lover with whom you can chase pleasure or you have sex toys for that purpose. That is just not so! Sex toys are not compensation for something that’s missing. They are not there as replacement for a partner. For those not partnered, they are not signs of desperate times or inadequacy.
More and more women are adding pleasure objects to their shopping lists. Sex toys are fun and creative¦and interesting¦and can do things that bodies can’t do¦and are shaped in ways bodies aren’t shaped¦and are cool colors¦and can be shared with partners¦and incorporated into any type of sexy session with a partner¦and are simply pleasure objects you should not be without¦and, finally, they are integral to your health and wellness¦OKAY, deep breath!
I’m guessing I had some of you at sex is good, some of you at pleasure is good, and maybe more of you at toys are not a sign of compensation or desperation. I’ll take a moment now and appeal to the practical health and wellness seekers.
This, of course, doesn’t come as a surprise: regular sexual activity (including with yourself!) has many health benefits as borne out in research as presented in this summary in the Wall Street Journal. Despite the need for (and unfortunate sex-negative resistance to) more research on sex, there exists a positive connection between regular sexual activity and overall wellness.
What if you could sleep better, have less pain, boost your immune system and even lower your risk of cancer by simply enjoying regular pleasure-filled time with yourself or a partner? Really! It’s that easy and fun.
A key way to reframe sex toys is to realize that we do indeed value pleasure and sexual health. Sexual wellness is an essential facet of our holistic health. The more we truly embrace that fact, the easier it is to move toward welcoming sex toys as part of our overall wellness.
I will even encourage a step further: Talk to your friends about the importance of valuing sexual wellness. I realize for some this is a Herculean task, but again the more you do it, the easier it gets. We have a tendency as a culture to share when there are problems or difficulties, but not when we are seeking wellness or pleasure and all is fine. I encourage the bolder among us to bring up the subject, mention your pleasure objects and encourage your friends to explore for themselves. Suggest that “ladies’ night or “mamas’ night out be a field trip together to a local erotic boutique. And for those of you doing all this fun stuff already, keep up the great work!
For those who are partnered adding variety to your pleasure with elegant or novel accoutrements from a fun and sex-positive erotic boutique keeps the sexy energy high. It will never diminish what you share together, but only add options to your repertoire. Also, shopping with a partner is an excellent impetus for dialogue about your pleasure and sexual evolution together.
Have fun exploring and shopping knowing pleasure is good and you will be happier and healthier for it! Join and promote the pleasure revolution. Enjoy!