“OH MY GOD”
My husband and I had been having a long, glorious time in bed the other night after the children went to sleep, when I had a sudden epiphany. For a better understanding of this epiphany, let me give you just a little bit of background information about me.
I have never considered myself a “religious person” despite the fact that I grew up in the Bible Belt of the Deep South. My family had a long tradition of church-goers , but, the only times I can remember my nuclear family being in a church was at funerals. However, despite their own rebellion against churchgoin’, my parents rarely limited our attendance with others, allowing us the opportunity to make our own choices. I always believed this was an awesome piece of parenting.
There was only one exception. I was about 7 years old at the time and had been at Vacation Bible School with my paternal grandmother. Afterwards, I remember very seriously asking my father why our family didn’t go to church. He replied something like, “Sugar, your mom and I just don’t believe in it.” I began to cry and told my father I was scared because we were all going to “Hell”. He looked at me, looked at my mother, and then marched inside to the telephone. I could hear every nasty, horrible word my father said to his own mother. I believe it started with “Don’t you EVER put that SHIT in my daughter’s head again or I swear I will…..” I sat there in shock, completely convinced that my father was going to hell now. But then he came back and gently explained to me that no matter what some preacher might want us to believe, simple lack of attendance at church would not damn us to hell. The message I got was that if we had love in our hearts and were kind to others, we would be just fine. This is how we have chosen to raise our kids. Like my parents, we do not attend church. Any mention of “God” is usually brought up by one of children as a question about religion.
However, the other night I realized that the word “God” comes up much more frequently than I realized in our household in another context entirely. Several times in the last year, my eldest son has been found awake long after we thought he had gone to sleep. I decided that it will not be long before he asks his father and I if we pray in our bedroom at night. This realization came to me after having one of the most multi-orgasmic weeks of my sexual life. All of this orgasmic activity has included many exclamations of “OH MY GOD!” with a sprinkling of “Jesus” and maybe even “oh my fucking god” too…. Leading me to the epiphany that perhaps I am a “religious person” after all.
Orgasms can be such a physical, mental and emotional release, perhaps it IS like a religious experience. I am oftentimes speaking in tongues, garbled and incomprehensible to most others, except for that same periodic burst of exclamation, “oh God, Yes, Yes, YES!!”. I am thrashing around on the bed, allowing a strong sensual and physical presence to flow into my body and back out again. I am fully consciously in the moment, not worried about the future. True buddhist here and now. Afterwards, I am glowing with spirit and full of love.
I am writing all this only slightly in jest. I really do believe that sex can be spiritually fulfilling. It can be real, hot and fun as well. How do I explain this to my children? And why didn’t my parents explain this to me? I was simply told not to have sex until I was married. Nothing else. What are the parameters for talking to our children about our gorgeous sex lives without grossing them out or overwhelming them?
My husband told my 11 year old the other day that it is okay for me to kiss others. He simply stated, “It’s okay for Mommy to kiss other people, buddy. I don’t mind at all and it’s good for her. She likes kissing people.” My son did not get grossed out by this statement and took it very much at face value. We thought that was a brilliant start. It seems like such an important mission in our society, where there are so many mixed up and wrong messages about sex, to teach our children that sex is positive and can be both fun and loving at the same time. I want them to know how to “make love”, whether it is with a wife, a girlfriend or a fuck buddy. I want them to find their own religious experience in their bodies, to know what it is like to be fully in the moment and present with their lovers. And I want to be able to help them understand that this is a beautiful moment full of love. Both love of self and love of others. I want my children to know about the religious experience of sex.