No Sex For Me Please, I’m a Parent
You know that shit people say about your sex life going away after getting married? It’s bullshit; completely untrue. I had some of the most mind-blowing, earth-shaking, “swinging from the rafters sex while I was married\’and most of the time it was with my wife (ba-DA-dum).
Oh, stop groaning. I had permission\’almost that entire time (ba-DA-dum). Hmm, maybe that’s why I’m not married anymore.
Okay, I’ll stop. “Navigating poly is in aisle three. This is sex and parenting.
You know the shit people say about your sex life going away after having children? It’s totally true.
I’ll be honest here. For me, it hasn’t gone away, but it has changed.
When you have a child\’or children, in my case\’your whole sense of being, your focus, your energy, your time goes into raising them. At least for me, it did. Something really switched for me. Whether it’s biological, social, or a combination of things, I became focused on making sure my girls’ needs where being met. Sex for pleasure got shifted lower on the pole.
Now what I’m talking about here is relative to me. I’m still poly. I still have lovers, and I still have an active sex life, but it’s much less active than before the twins came. There’s a lot of timing and scheduling that needs to be done. The morning I started to write this, my partner and I had a wonderful romp in bed. However, it took place at 7:30 am (sorry, upstairs neighbor), and it had to end by 8:00 am. Why? The girls get up around then, and they currently have taken to stripping their pajamas and diapers off and jumping around their crib. Considering they’ve just started potty training, you can see why we need to make sure we’re up shortly after they are.
You have to work at it. You have to schedule it. You have to make time for it. Your partner(s) need to be in tune with what’s going on with your life. You’ve got to be conscious of the fact that the spontaneous quickie with your partner bent over the kitchen table might be interrupted because Scooba hit Roomba over the head with her Star Trek bear. You also need to have a sense of humor.
Be patient with each other, and be understanding of each other, cuz until you kick ˜em out the door after they’ve grown up, it’s always gonna be about them.