New Year’s Eve Grown Up Style

The benefits of growing up are exponential. I feel the need to state that so explicitly because we live in a culture obsessed with staying young, of fighting age, of resisting the wisdom that comes from experience. I am 32, a baby in the real world, but “over 30” in the fake, mass-marketed, scare the shit out of women, so we feel bad about ourselves, settle for less, but buy more products world. I’m also a mom. Which means exactly zero in the real world of sexual adventuring but is supposed to mean everything in the anxiety and guilt ridden sex negative culture that surrounds me.

I just had one of the most sexually intense and deeply satisfying New Year’s Eves ever. And why is that? Because I know a thing or two about life.

My lover, who is also in his mid-30’s, had gone back East to spend Christmas with his family. We spent that week texting and taunting and teasing as we both had the ups and downs that come with going home for the holidays. He planned to fly back on the 30th so we could spend New Year’s together and the anticipation was fun to build.

Now, this is where the wisdom of learned experience comes in. Did I want to see him the minute he was off the plane and fuck him ragged? Yes. Did he want to do the same to me? Yes. Did it actually make very much sense? No. Self care is the best way to be there for another person. I am grown up enough to say rest up tonight so I can have my way with you tomorrow. So he did. He slept for 10 hours in his bed while I played with toys in mine.

We had gone over all the different options for how to celebrate the start of 2011. Between our social circles there were parties, shows, galleries, performances, exhibits, etc… the SF Bay Area really is amazing. We had kind of a plan of where to go and who to see, but really, while I was masturbating and he was sleeping, I realized we were both exhausted from our families. Being a little drained, both physically and emotionally, was just our reality. So what did I really want? To go out or to stay in? I’m grown up enough to let go of what doesn’t serve me. I sent him a text with my suggestion: let’s go out to dinner then come back and fuck in the New Year.

He liked that idea a lot. We went out, came back to my place and were both on our second round of orgasms by the time the year changed. In fact, because we were so very grown up about our reality, he had 6 orgasms. 6! A personal best for him and a hell of a way to start a New Year!

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Airial Clark

As of May 2012, I will have completed my Master’s Degree in Human Sexuality Studies at San Francisco State University. Prior to attending graduate school, I graduated from UC Berkeley in 2007 with a double major BA in English Literature and Anthropology while raising two young sons as a single parent. At Cal, I was President of the Student Parent Association. I am a regular contributor to the Sex Positive Photo Project of the SF Bay Area and Shades Magazine. I have presented my original research at multiple academic conferences and symposiums. I will be presenting my Master’s Thesis Study at the OpenSF Conference this June. I have trained with Community at Work to be a group facilitator and am fully committed to the participatory process of decision making.

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