My Sex Diary
My friend Rachel edits the Sex Diaries for New York Magazine. The idea is that someone documents one week of their sex life. After reading a few diaries, I felt inspired to write one of my own. If you feel so inspired, you should write one and send it in. They’re a hoot to read, and you learn a little bit about people in general.
And now, with sincerest apologies to Rachel, my only, um, slightly fictional sex diary.
The 43-Year-Old Queer Poly Pervert
Once a week, Daily Intel takes a peek behind doors left slightly ajar. This week, the 43-Year-Old Queer Poly Pervert: Male, warehouse associate, Oakland, 43, queer, partnered and has two other lovers, father to twin 3-year-old girls
5:12 a.m.: Wake up with an erection next to partner in bed. She is snoring away with her butt pressed up against me. I think about waking her, but am too tired. Will try for sex in a couple of hours.
7:30 a.m.: Wake up again with same erection. I roll over, gently cup partner’s breasts, and nuzzle against her ear. She stirs and responds by thrusting her ass up against my cock. I slip one hand from her breast to play with her clit. As she gets wetter and starts to moan, a cry of “MINE! comes from the next room. The kids are up. I roll out of bed, put on underwear, and take the girls to the potty.
9:25 a.m.: Partner smacks my ass in the kitchen as I make breakfast for the household. One girl yells, “DON’T HIT DADDY!
9:05 p.m.: Girls have gone to bed. I retire for the night. Too tired to even think about sex.
4:28 a.m.: Wake up from dream about sucking glory hole cock. Make note to try and have a date with male lover sometime in the next month. Start masturbating. White foster cat jumps onto bed to get scritches. Kills my mood. Try to go back to sleep.
5:28 a.m.: Still awake. Cat has been chasing my hand all over the bed to get scritches. White cat hair is stuck everywhere I didn’t clean the lube off. I decide to get up a little early for work. I sneak off to the bathroom to masturbate before showering. White cat peeks her head in the door. Kills my mood.
3:43 p.m.: Partner and I flirt about what we would do to each other if we had time and energy. Girls wake up from too brief nap.
9:30 p.m.: I lament about the lack of intimacy between my partner and I. She understands and feels the same way. She cuts my toenails, and I fall asleep.
10:26 a.m.: I realize that there is nothing sexy at all about my co-workers, but they are all great people.
3:56 a.m.: The father of the white cat and his daughter jump into my bed for petting and scritches. I curse their pleasure as I scratch behind their ears.
5 p.m.: I watch images of nudes and porn that make up my screen saver. I don’t masturbate to porn, but it does make me remember to call my female lover. She doesn’t answer and her answering machine doesn’t pick up. I end the screen saver and e-mail her to find out what her schedule is like over the next several weeks.
7:15 p.m.: My partner, her husband, and I watch a DVD. I make kettle corn. It’s so good; it makes my body shudder.
10:30 p.m.: I go to bed, and my partner stays up to catch up on writing work. We kiss romantically. I love her deeply.
7:15 a.m.: I sleep through the sex window again. Twins are awake.
9:49 p.m.: I watch a documentary on “Women in Rock. I think I have an orgasm watching PJ Harvey performing live, but it’s just my body shuddering with desire.
10:17 p.m.: My partner and I fall asleep discussing having sex after we put the girls to bed.
TOTALS: No acts of intercourse; two body shudders; two half-masturbation sessions (uncompleted); one wet dream without the wet; one pedicure.