My husband and I are slowly but surely exposing our kids to our own developing polyamorous lifestyle. Every day/week/month brings a new level of awareness, awakening and sweet love. Recently, we have been exploring having folks over with whom we have close relationships, and having them stay with us while the children are home. My kids know my friend and lover, Pierce, better than any other lover in my life right now. He has been around them both at my house and in other places. This includes a wedding where I danced half naked to music DJ’d by Pierce and my children never batted an eye. Of course, they see me naked all the time and don’t think much of it. I walk around the house naked and they do too. Unless we have company, and then we all show a little more modesty, especially if the company is my children’s friends. So I wondered what it would be like when Pierce spent the night.
Their father, my husband, was out on a date with another woman, and the kids knew this. I invited my lover over because it was convenient to spend a Friday night with him when I would normally be alone anyway. Plus, I had not seen Pierce for a couple weeks, due to our busy schedules and really wanted to spend some time with him. My oldest son was at a friend’s house for a sleepover, and Pierce offered to bring a fun kids’ movie for my 6 year old to watch with us. My son was super excited about the movie and already liked Pierce too. Win-win situation in my opinion.
I told Pierce that I was really appreciative of his willingness to come over when my son was home. We have lived almost 2 hours away from each other for the majority of our relationship. We have been going out for over a year now, and he has only been to my home one other time. It is just within the last month that Pierce moved within an hour’s drive from my house, making his coming to my house a treat that will hopefully happen more frequently now.
The other very important factor for me about this evening is that some of my lovers are either less comfortable being around children in general or not as comfortable being around me when my children are present. This is hard, considering that I am a mother, and my kids not only are a constant part of my life, they are a part of who I am as a person. Besides, I love them dearly and think they are awesome, so its hard for me to understand why anyone wouldn’t want to be around my kids.
An element of this, of course, is a belief by some folks that children should not be exposed to the fact that adults have sex. My children are aware that my husband and I have sex on some level, mostly depending on their age. I am clear that my older child is much more aware of what it all means, but I also know my younger child notices everything. The other day, my husband ran his hands over my breasts while we were sitting in the kitchen. The boys were around, but we thought they were not watching. My 6-year-old almost immediately asked my husband, “Did you just touch Mommy’s boobies with your hands?” My husband simply affirmed his having done so. However, about a week later, my husband did the same thing, but his hands were freezing! I actually squealed out loud, and from the other room, my 6-year-old asked if my husband was touching my boobies again! Smart kid.
We also are honest with our kids that we have other loves in our lives. Whether my children are aware that we have sex with the people with whom we have deeper relationships, I am not clear. Furthermore, while I don’t feel pressed to make anything obvious, but I also don’t feel the need to keep it a secret either. This evening was somewhat of another test of that. We have had lovers spend the night, but not always in the same bed, or even the same room. One of the reasons we have hesitated to take that step is that our 6-year-old still climbs in bed with us in the wee hours of the morning. We have anticipated that this could possibly be an issue if he climbs in bed and the people are different than he expected, especially in the half asleep state he usually arrives.
So I warned Pierce that this is the case. That we could have an early morning visitior join us. Fortunately, we have two circumstances in our household to relieve some of the stress in this situation. First of all, its just a simple fact that I sleep very lightly, and wake up at the slightest noises anyway. And on top of that, my son is not the least bit quiet when he comes into our room in the morning. He barges through the door. Second, it’s Saturday morning when we wake up. The biggest advantage to this is that there is already a precedent set that Saturday morning is for….what else? Cartoons!!! So my son knows that soon after he comes into our room, if he is not sleeping, he will be allowed to watch cartoons.
Due to these reasons, I was pretty sure I was prepared for the morning. And it went relatively well. All things considered. One thing to know about my 6-year-old is that he is VERY attached to my husband. He prefers to cuddle, go to and be with my husband. When he has a question, the first word out of his mouth, whether his father is around or not is “Dad?” So he generally goes to his father’s side of the bed in the morning, which is where Pierce was sleeping, although he sometimes settles for the middle of the bed. I was completely mentally prepared for this.
At about 7:30am, he barged in the door and started for the other side of the bed. I heard him, woke up and said, “Come over here, Pumpkin”. Fortunately for me, he did. He looked longingly at the other side of the bed, and even started to crawl over me at first to get to the middle, but I simply encouraged him to lie down beside me and he did. Then after he started wiggling later, I allowed him to go watch cartoons.
This all seemed to work out in a very harmless manner. No questions, no tensions and we had a lovely breakfast with the 3 of us once Pierce and I got out of bed. My son seemed to be very unfazed by the whole thing. I honestly believe that because we were not freaked out, he was not freaked out. We didn’t try to hide anything, be sneaky or secretive and he accepted the whole evening and morning as normal. I even saw my son resting his head on Pierce’s shoulder a few times during the movie and was just tickled that they got along so well. Overall, a great experience again!