Your Monthly Sex Horoscope



Brought to you by: Broke Ass Stuart

There is an uncanny wave of celestial movement in March and April, this period is going to be very wet both outside, and in your pants.   Meaning you’re going to have some really dirty thoughts, and you might also end up fucking someone in a swimming pool.  Many planets are entering Aries, and there is a Penumbral Lunar Eclipse on the horizon.  Lots of pulling and pushing in the skys, but don’t worry, The Sex Unicorn knows exactly what you should do.


A penumbral lunar eclipse occurs when the Sun, Earth and Moon align in an almost straight line. There is a kink in the sky, and because it is under Pisces, it is a must that you have intimate times in water, with a man who has a curved penis or a woman who is wearing a cast, or at the very least has a slight limp. You must join the union of moon, sun, and earth’s imperfect angle, you can do that with an asymmetrical lover.  If you fulfill these requirements, your juices will flow like they never have before, you may experience the biggest orgasm of the year. Best of all you don’t need a partner or a lake (my personal favorite) to achieve celestial unity, you can easily use a clever vibrator and a bathtub.

And that brings us to our recommended sex toy for this month:  The Moody G5 Vibrator by Good Vibrations and Fun Factory USA:FF_MOODY_1111061_01

This multi-speed vibrator has a curved tip, which will get you inline with the universe and also stimulate your G-spot or prostate.  It is also very water proof, so have sex with this on the March 25th full moon (in or around water), and it will probably change your life forever.  My Unicorn horn is tingling just thinking about it.


Happy Orgasms!



The Sex Unicorn

Oh! and come to the Birthday party this March 18th : )



March 16th, 2016

Author: The Sex Unicorn

Good Vibrations

Good Vibrations is the premiere sex-positive, women-principled adult toy retailer in the US. An iconic brand and one of the world's first sex toy shops to focus specifically on women's pleasure and sexual education, Good Vibrations was founded by Joani Blank in 1977 to provide women with a safe, welcoming and non-judgmental place to shop for erotic toys. Good Vibrations has always included all people across the gender spectrum, and is a place where customers can come for education, high quality products, and information promoting sexual health, pleasure and empowerment. Customers can shop Good Vibrations' expertly curated product selection across any of its nine retail locations or on the website, where they can also find a wealth of information pertaining to sexual pleasure, exploration and education.

You may also like...