“Meeting Daddy’s Lover…”
I walked into the kitchen with him in my arms, sleepy and warm from having fallen asleep on the drive home. He had been on a “sleepover” the night before, which means he hardly slept at all and thus couldn’t keep his eyes open on the drive home. As we entered the room, he reached out for his daddy, wanting to curl up in his lap. He was shocked to be greeted almost immediately by a big, wet, slobbery kiss. This was the first meeting of my 5 yr old son and my husband’s lover.
Okay, okay, it was my husband’s lover’s dog that gave him the sloppy kiss, but it WAS a shock, since we rarely have a dog in the house. Then he was introduced to the owner of the dog, “Daddy’s friend” who happened to be sitting at our kitchen table, eating lunch with Daddy. He politely said hello, but stayed curled up in his dad’s lap for a few more minutes before he opened up and started talking. I cleverly offered everyone sweet, icey Otter Pops to entice him out of his stupor and it worked wonders for everyone’s disposition. Soon we were all comfortably talking about the last time we had popsicles on a warm, sunny summer day.
It was also the first meeting for me with my husband’s lover. I had heard a great deal about her, but had not met her face to face. This is true of several of our relationships. We often form these connections outside of our marriage and then introduce them to each other, if the lover is up for it and it seems like a good idea. This was the first time this happened with one of our children present. So rather than say all the nice things I wanted to say about how happy I was that she was in my husband’s life and the sparkle she has put in his eyes lately, all I said was “Welcome”. And we discussed dogs and kids for a while before they took off on a romantic hike, alone, without my son and me.
Originally, I had plans to be elsewhere for the day, both before and after picking up my kids, so that my husband and his lover could have the place to themselves. But my plans had gone awry, I ended up with nowhere else to go and I was forced to come home much earlier than expected. We had wanted to introduce his lover to me previous to this time, but it was not originally part of her plans for this day. And a little more disconcerting was having our child there as well. However, it ended up being very comfortable and sweet and my 5 yr old did not bat an eye at meeting Dad’s friend.
We had introduced our son to several of our lovers the previous weekend with the same sort of nonchalance. We were in a group of folks who were gathering for a brunch that lingered on into the late afternoon hours. While he played with the son of another brunch participant, we talked, ate, and eventually drifted into a big pile of bodies,laying in the living room on mattresses and pillows designed for such lounging. The kids played in their own space and the adults had a “talk date” in this space. When the kids needed something, they came into the adult space and asked for help. None of the kids seemed disturbed by the obvious signs of affection between the adults, the cuddling, stroking and even some kissing. And none of the adults reacted to the kids coming into the room, unless they could help them or even entertain them for a while.
I left that brunch in a very sweet state of bliss, having had multiple physical and emotional connections with my friends and lovers and not having one moment of awkwardness about my child witnessing these connections. Why anyone would worry about my children seeing their mother or father blissfully engaged in loving others is beyond me. What better way to teach my children to love with their whole being? So as I welcome my husband’s new lover into our lives, our love and our community, I hope she finds it as blissful as I do. Moreover, I welcome my children into witnessing and eventually joining this breathtakingly loving community.