How Much Should You Pay for Sex?

Editor’s note: While sexwork is banned in many places, there are quite a few locations around the world where it is legal. This post is not intended as instruction in illegal activities.


photo by AMagill

The cost of sexual services varies by city, but there are some constants that span most of the western world. And money is a huge factor in the experience of visiting a sex worker, no matter how discreet she may be or how much it feels like she really might be your girlfriend.

Most sex worker rates start at roughly equal to the rate that a lawyer in her area might charge. This will get you the basics, meaning no kink, no GFE, no toys, no special performance, no special lingerie. We’re talking in and out. The bare necessities, which may be what you’re looking for.

From there, you can expect increases if you want to spend time with someone who puts more into her appearance, has a nicer place to meet you, is more adventurous, etc. Yes, you can sometimes find a diamond in the rough, but you have to be really lucky and you can’t search for or create it. It just happens. More often, it doesn’t.

So the first step to knowing how much you should be paying for sex is determining what kind of experience you want. Do you want a steady relationship? An experienced partner? A stellar body? Is grooming–manicured nails, styled hair, refined make-up–important to you? These things cost sex workers time and money, which raises their rates.

On the other hand, wanting something very specific, even if that means un-shaved legs and a woman who hasn’t showered for two days, can cost more, too. Serving a niche community means that a sex worker needs to make up the quantity she’s missing out on with, again, higher rates.

Understanding how a sex worker sets her rates can help you making that move to reach for your wallet–for both cash and a condom. First of all, there are expenses to be considered. Some are spread out over all a sex worker’s clients and some are specific to you. These expenses include:

¢    Space rental (if she offers incall or arranges outcall; if she offers outcall to you, she can’t book another session to immediately follow yours and may lose income)
¢    Beauty maintenance (hair, clothes, shoes, nails, skin, make-up, gym membership, etc.)
¢    Transportation
¢    Time (not just in the room with you, but preparing and pre-negotiation)
¢    Childcare (not a concern for everyone, but more than you’d think)
¢    Healthcare (if this is her main source of income, she needs to put something aside for testing, regular check-ups, etc.)
¢    Supplies (lubricant, condoms, gloves, dental dams, toys, any special items)

Other costs may come up. For example, if you’re planning on shredding her $30 full fashion nylon stockings, she may charge you for them directly, ask you to buy them as a gift, or increase her overall rates a little bit to spread the cost over all her clients–if it’s something that happens often.

These costs need to be covered in order to make a session worth the sex worker’s time, but what also has to be taken into consideration and may be even more important than covering her costs, is compensating her ego and her soul. Sex work is emotionally and physically taxing. It’s important for a sex worker’s well-being to be appreciated in a way that has actual value and can help her plan for her future and support herself and her family. It’s the difference between being a happy, financially independent sex worker and a downtrodden, exploited sex worker. There’s no magic formula to determine what this cost is, but in general, better paid workers are happier and more productive, and sex workers are no exception.

Despite all this, you may still want more for less, in which case you’ll need to know how to negotiate. There’s no magic phrase to get a sex worker to drop her rates. Your best tool for getting a bit of a break is quantity: how long you see her for and how often.

If you’re going to be a one-time client, you really have to focus on the length of the session. Unfortunately, most guys only need to long to be fulfilled, so a three, four, or five hour session may just be unneeded.

If you’re a repeat client, you may be able to get a break by establishing a regular schedule. This doesn’t mean promising to become a regular client or establish a schedule. Making this type of connection with your sex worker, not only through having regular sexual encounters, but by becoming part of her life, can be extremely fulfilling not just for you, but for her. It doesn’t change the nature of the relationship at all, but it adds a connection and an opportunity for you to learn each other’s likes, dislikes, and needs. So, if you’re going this route, don’t ask for a discount until you’ve seen your sex worker four or more times. This will let her know that you’re not yanking her chain to save a few dollars.

I’ve been a little sexist in my language here, but I find the whole “him or her” structure to be awkward and wordy. Also, I’m a female sex worker who sees males almost exclusively and I’m writing from my own experience and point of view.


Good Vibrations

Good Vibrations is the premiere sex-positive, women-principled adult toy retailer in the US. An iconic brand and one of the world's first sex toy shops to focus specifically on women's pleasure and sexual education, Good Vibrations was founded by Joani Blank in 1977 to provide women with a safe, welcoming and non-judgmental place to shop for erotic toys. Good Vibrations has always included all people across the gender spectrum, and is a place where customers can come for education, high quality products, and information promoting sexual health, pleasure and empowerment. Customers can shop Good Vibrations' expertly curated product selection across any of its nine retail locations or on the website, where they can also find a wealth of information pertaining to sexual pleasure, exploration and education.

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