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Harnesses: What Does The Wearer Get?

Harnesses can be a super fun way to play for both male and female-bodied folks, as the wearer or the person getting penetrated. I would also like to point out that there’s a whole world of folks who get everything they want from using a harness alone with their partner. This guide is specifically geared for female-bodied folks who are wearing the harness and are looking for more direct stimulation on their genitals while penetrating their partner.

What Kind of Stimulation Do I Want?

I don’t know, you tell me! There are a lot of folks who just want external stimulation, or just internal stimulation, or some folks who want both at the same time. For folks who want internal stimulation it’s also important to look at if you want it to move (giving an in and out feeling) or to be more still (just giving a fullness feeling). In order to find the right toy for you, you have to ask what do you want out of it?

Where Should I Look?

If you’re looking for a double-ended dildo, it can be found in the dildo section. Some other really great sections to look at for toys that either go in or on the wearer and are not connected to the dildo in the harness are the Rings ˜n’ Things, Anal Toys, and the Kegel Exercisers sections.

What Kind of Stimulation Will These Toys Give Me?

Items such as the double-ended dildos will give a push/pull sensation internally for the wearer; other toys can also achieve this push/pull sensation. Kegel toys like the Ami Silicone Kegel Exercisers have a small ball that’s encased in a larger ball that can be inserted vaginally, the combination of these 2 balls gives a gentle movement whenever the wearers hips move. This gives the illusion of the push/pull sensation without actually having the wearer’s internal toy be connected to the penetrated person’s toy.

Other toys like the Rude Boy can provide internal and external stimulation, and vibration! Boy, does this toy have it all! Ok, fine, it won’t make you pancakes in the morning, but in the heat of the moment who cares about pancakes. Since this toy isn’t connected to anything and doesn’t have an internal moving mechanism, this toy will just provide a feeling of fullness vaginally.

By attaching a vibrating cock ring onto the leg straps of the harness it has the potential to sit in between straps and hit the clit. This set up can be a little bit more uncontrollable; the vibrating part might not lie close to the body, or flop side-to-side, etc. Positions that keep the wearer stable with fewer movements will help to keep the vibrator near the wearer’s clit. (i.e. the wearer flat on their back with their legs closed so the legs will control the position and pressure of the vibe). This set up probably won’t be as awesome for someone who’s looking for a lot of pressure with the vibration.

Yes, The Harness Matters!

When choosing a double-ended dildo you’re going to want a harness that either has a hole in the back panel for the dildo to go through or you want a harness that you can take the back panel off.

If you’re looking for a penetrative toy like the Rude Boy or some other toy with a flat base, then having a harness that covers that base will be most useful in keeping the toy from falling out and allow you to be in multiple positions. In this case, something like the Spareparts Joque Harness is going to come in handy because it has a long pouch where the dildo facing away from the wearer goes and that long pouch can cover the base of a toy inside the wearer no matter if you wear your harness up high or more low on the hips.

If you want to connect a vibrating cock ring to the leg straps of your harness you’re defiantly going to want a harness where the leg straps can be disconnected.

What Size Should I Get?

Again, that’s totally personal preference. One thing to keep in mind is that as the wearer, your legs will be closed or slightly open, and in most cases will not be as open as the person being penetrated. This means that no matter what toy you pick it will feel larger the more closed your legs are. So if you’re looking at toys thinking “that’s the perfect fit for me!, you defiantly want to distinguish from perfect fit as the person getting penetrated (wider legs) or the person wearing (more closed legs).

How Will This Fit Into What I’m Doing?

Don’t forget about your brain! When choosing the right toy for you it’s also a good idea to think about how this will enhance what is already going on in your brain. For example, if you’re a person who really enjoys feeling as if the dildo were an extension of the clit and want to enhance that feeling than I would suggest focusing on toys that provide more stimulation for the clit. Possibly toys that move back and forth over the clit in the same way the dildo is moving in and out of the person getting penetrated. That way the toy can be moving in the way your brain wants it too. The same can be said for any other type of stimulation like penetration or dual (clit and penetration) stimulation, if that’s what your brain focuses on then that is a good place to start.

Misc. Tips

Trying to find a good double-ended dildo can be a little tricky. This is why:

* You want to find a toy that is going to work well for both partners (size, shape, angle, etc.).

* Double-ended toys are going to be best for couples that use the same toy every time they use a harness.

* Body size of both partners plays a big role in using this toy. If you or your partner have larger thighs or the vaginal canal is set back, away form the front of the body, then the length of the penetrating side is going to be cut down.

When picking a harness, getting a super versatile harness can allow you to switch back and forth between different types of toys. A good example of a versatile harness is the Renegade Leather Harness, because you can detach the back panel if you want to use a double ended dildo, or detach the leg straps if you want to use a vibrating cock ring, and it has a solid back panel so it can keep a flat based toy inside the wearer. All in one!

If you absolutely feel lost when choosing a toy, just remember: it’s better to go less than more. That’s true for size as well as bells and whistles.


Kaitlyn Kochany

Kaitlyn Kochany is a Toronto-area freelance writer who has written about issues as diverse as cycling in the winter, how to successfully open a bar, and dating as a single parent. She loves taking baths, drinking Coke Zero, and rechargeable vibrators. She has been writing about sex and sexuality since 2012. Visit her website at kaitlynkochany.com.

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