Gleek Show: Review of Glee XXX

A couple of days ago, I saw (ok, live tweeted) “This Ain’t Glee XXX“, a porn I was super excited for because they have musical numbers (I kid you not- they actually got an AVN award for them, too… like there’s competition?).

Overall, it was ok- kind of cute, kind of amusing. I’m a bit of a connoisseur of parody porn, ever since seeing the now classic “Pirates”, so my standards are perhaps higher than usual. I like a parody porn that follows the original material closely enough to be amusing, that nails the outfits and attitudes, and special points if they manage to say lines appropriate to their characters during sex scenes!

Actually, the first scene between Sue (Nikki Hunter) and Tina (Miko Sinz) was amazing. It was really, really hot, and amazingly dyke-y for a Hustler flick- Sue packs a big cock and makes Tina “take it for Glee”. It’s basically the best scene in the porn, and Nikki Hunter nails Sue’s personality in spite of not having been a huge Gleek herself. I wish there had been a lot more of Sue- fucking the renamed “Cheery-Hos” perhaps?

But after that I was saddened to see the rest of Glee XXX become kind of standard, sex scene-wise. It was unfortunate but not surprising that Hustler removed Kurt (the token gay) and Artie (the token person with a disability) from the lineup, and that token African American Mercedes (Samone Taylor), while present, only gets to sing and show off her ass- no sex for her. :/ Also, Principal “Biggins” (James Bartholet) is seriously painted orangey tan. Um… ok…

I was particularly disappointed that Santana and Britney (credited here as Cheerleaders 1 and 2, played by McKenzee Miles and Alexa Nicole) weren’t really played up as bisexual. Their FFM threesome with Puck (John Espizedo) was very typical Hustler fare, with them porn kissing and focusing on Puck’s cock instead of each other. I skipped through a lot of that scene because I found it to be the least sexy in the whole film (though I’ll admit, I covet the dildo pompoms).

There’s a sweet but slow scene between Will (Chad Diamond) and Emma (Scarlett Fay) that’s lovely, but very long. The chemistry is nice, though. Strangely, even though that scene is presented as Rachael’s fantasy, she never gets involved in it, choosing instead to just watch from the counter in the break room as she masturbates. Scarlett is lovely, however, and watching her is delightful.

The songs were not bad, actually. There’s only 3, and they’re pretty funny (and terribly catchy, I warn you now). First, there’s the one you hear in the previews for Glee XXX, “Big Tushy Hos”, sung to the tune of “Fat Bottomed Girls” of course- I giggled, I’ll admit. The Journey parody, “Knocked Up at 18” sung by Quinn (Tara Lynn Foxx) and Finn (Tucker Slane) pre sex scene, suggests that perhaps Quinn is pregnant because Finn isn’t entirely sure how one *gets* pregnant (he sings that he hopes she’s on the pill this time… but she’s ALREADY PREGNANT). Finn’s dance moves are something special, though- very reminiscent of Napoleon Dynamite. And “Don’t Cum All Over Me” has been stuck in my head for days now.

The big finale is Rachael (Andy San Dimas dressed PERFECTLY, btw) played somewhat aggressively and seducing Will. I generally love Andy’s work but… again, I felt like this porn could’ve gone a lot further and had more fun with itself and yet… fell short. Andy had the look, and a bit of the attitude, but not quite enough to make this a firm favorite like Batman XXX. I think if it had been made by a bunch of Gleeks it would’ve helped immensely- most of the folks working on Batman XXX loved the 60’s show and did their research, and it really showed.

The behind the scenes, though, was pretty nifty. Especially watching Quinn having a spot popped by one of the guys (ok, that’s kind of my kink), and watching Puck and Finn practice pole dancing moves.

Would I wank to it? Probably not. Would I show it to all my Gleek friends, and will I be bringing it to a Glee party in February? You better believe it!

Get your Gleek on at Good Vibes.

Kitty Stryker

Kitty Stryker is a geeky sex worker, Burner, rabid writer and feminist activist with one high-heeled boot in San Francisco, California and one in London, England. In London, Stryker worked with the TLC Trust, an online organization connecting people with disabilities with sex workers experienced with emotional or physical limitations. She is the founder of the award-winning Ladies High Tea and Pornography Society, and was nominated by the Erotic Awards as Sex Worker of the Year for her charity and activism work. Now back in the States, Stryker has been presenting Safe/Ward, a workshop on combating entitlement culture within alternative sexual communities, along with being the PR rep for the Bay Area Sex Workers Outreach Project promoting sex worker rights. She has written for Huffington Post, Filament, and Tits and Sass, built a social media strategy for Cleis Press, and consults with sex workers about their online presence. In her copious free time, she enjoys switching things up with her two hot lovers. Read more from Stryker on her personal blog, Purrversatility.

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