From Sex Goddess To Freaked Out Mom- Part Four

Read part one, part two and part three

As we worked things began to change.  Ellen suggested that I use castor oil to help the tissue continue healing. I went home feeling even more positive that this work could really help me.  Why not?  I had helped lots of men and women working in their pelvic floors, I just hadn’t seen a woman with major scar tissue postpartum.

I noticed a number of effects right away.  First, my stomach felt much flatter.  I had been experiencing a gradual increase in my abdominal size as each day went on, so that by the end of the day I looked 4 months pregnant again.  But after working the first session with Ellen my stomach was flatter and it lasted throughout the day.  You could actually see my abdominal muscles again.  I was also experiencing less vaginal burning and I lost 2 pounds.   Who would have thought that working my pelvic floor would cause me to lose weight!

I had a second session with Ellen four days later.  It seemed like a miracle had happened.  My vaginal opening was no longer held open; it was almost all the way closed. As Ellen worked internally both anally and vaginally she said that the blueberry sized tissue was now almost minuscule.  Ellen could hardly believe how well I healed.  I was in such disbelief that I asked my partner to look and he said my vagina looked radically different.  I couldn’t wait to see it when I got home.  Sure enough it was almost all the way closed and my skin was looking pink and healthy once again.    I was utterly amazed, even though I had seen things like this regularly in my practice.  It is so different when it happens to you personally.

Because the work that we were doing together seemed so important Ellen and I decided that we had to start filming what was going on in my pelvic floor.  Nothing like this had ever been documented, or taught.  I thought about all of the women out there who had given birth and never returned to a “normal sex life.  I thought of all the women who had given up without a hope, or all the women who had no clue about the amount of pleasure that was waiting for them.  I felt determined to help, but also to shed the light on a topic I never really heard discussed before- Postpartum Sexuality.

After our third session, which was filmed, I felt like I was well on the road to being rid of the physical trauma.  My baby was now four months old and I just started hormone therapy.  I could feel things in my body rapidly changing.  In this session we worked some final bits of scar tissue which brought up some emotion surrounding the birth.  At one point I felt the exact same intensity of sensation that I had felt as the baby moved through my body.  That intensity brought up some emotion and as I cried the hard tissue melted beneath Ellen’s hands.  Ellen said that she was working the tissue against my pelvic bones, which is what caused the similar sensation to the baby going through my pelvic cavity.

We also got out a speculum (you know, that thing the gyno uses to look inside and do a pap smear) and looked inside of me.  I was so happy to see that the tissue that was once purplish and bruised looking was now healthy and pink, and the line where the bumpy scar had been was now gone.  I looked so healthy inside and I could see my muscles working as I did Kegels.  My muscle tone was returning as well.

Finally, I wanted Ellen to check my cervix.  During the labor I quickly dilated to about 9 centimeters, but had a cervical lip that just wouldn’t go away.  I had to push through the lip to get the baby out.  I thought perhaps that my cervix may have suffered some damage, but as Ellen assessed it there was no evidence of scarring, it actually felt pretty good.

I know that a combination of things led to a quick and very successful healing for me: the fact that I am a sex educator and also a bodyworker helped me to have an awareness of my body and the tools to effectively communicate with Ellen as she worked on the scar tissue, the fact that I had a wonderful and understanding partner who was patient and supportive, the fact that I had started nutritional and hormonal supplements, the fact that I went to the gym regularly and did pelvic floor exercises, and the fact that I had a well rounded education about sex, that fact that I was so willing and determined to have intimacy back into my life because it is very important to me.  All of these things contributed to returning to a sexual life that was more fulfilling than it had been before having a baby.

I had always thought that once you had a scar it was there permanently.  I knew that sometimes scars could fade, but I had no idea that I could completely get rid of scar tissue.  Through this healing experience I learned that scars are not forever.

I want to set out to break the myth that once we experience scarring from childbirth traumas that we are just “stuck with unsatisfying intercourse for the rest of our lives.  And how many women have just settled for a mediocre sex life?  Sex just gets better and better for me, and I believe that the amount of pleasure that we experience never stops growing.

Sexual majesty for women is about exploring all that is sensually possible and just when you think that you get to the highest peak possible, taking another step higher on the pleasure scale.   So Ellen & I created a course for women called Reclaiming Sexual Vitality Postpartum (RSVP), we did a major research project with other women and had some astounding results.  We officially launch the program in August of 2010.  I’m just excited to share my story with you and give you hope that you can have an even better sex life after giving birth than you did before!  This is just the begining of the story!  You wouldn’t believe how great my sex life is now…


Allison is a tall, queer, femme from Ottawa, Canada. A writer of erotic poetry and prose, she has performed in Radical Vulvas and is a member of the erotic live-lit troupe Honeyed Tongues. Her work has appeared in Vagina Dentata, Venus in Scorpio, the Bywords Quarterly Journal, and at GKE.

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