Finding Cheap Kinky Toys (AKA Pervertables)

I really love kink. I mean, really. We’re like great friends. We paddle people, we make people cry and moan in the same breath, and really, I even take kink out for tea sometimes. (If by “tea” you mean lots and lots of fun orgasms.) However, I’m also a college student. And you know what? When most kinky floggers cost easily over $150 for a decently made one, you tend to attempt to cut corners on pricing where you can. Apparently, being a kinky person can end up putting quite a hole in your wallet! So through the last year, I’ve come up with different toys you can buy on a not-so-huge budget. In the kink world, we call these “pervertables” – household objects that double as kinky ones.

One of the biggest household “pervertables” is easily the kitchen spoon. I’ve seen so many people mention the kitchen spoon as a good idea. Really, it is. You can purchase one for a dollar or less (wooden or plastic – you can even vary your sensation), and as long as you are careful about splinters on the wooden versions, there’s nothing too much to worry about. Hard strikes tend to break the spoons, but at a dollar a pop, they’re not exactly difficult to replace. Plus, they blend in really nicely with your surroundings – no one is going to ask you why you own a stirring spoon. (Mind you, I’m not talking about little table spoons. I’m talking about the large mixing spoons like you’d use over the oven.) For another idea, I’ve known some people to pick up some of those stirring sticks in the paint department to use as an impact toy. Again, just beware of the splinters, but those end up being free (and be reasonable about the amount you take.)

If you are looking for other types of cheap impact toys, your local store should also sell rulers as well as hairbrushes. Both of those can sting (and easily break), so be careful how roughly you strike with them. Belts can also be used as impact toys, but I recommend against it since they are very difficult to control. A ping pong paddle could also work for an impact toy, but they tend to break pretty easily. I have a friend who uses a “goth” wristband that has rivets in it that he picked up from a teenage “goth” store – he can wear it and it can be used as an impact toy. Win-win! (It is also very, very painful.)

For restraints, you don’t have to purchase expensive rope. Most retail stores will carry some different varieties of rope in their store. While this rope usually does include some chemicals during processing, you can toss it into the wash to clean it of those, and if your partner seems to be allergic, just pick out another rope. For the sake of your skin, try to pick one of the ropes that has a larger diameter – small rope is ridiculously hard to deal with.

While near the rope, you can pick up some over-the-door hooks made for hanging towels and other hardware. This will allow you to slip those hooks over the door, and instead of a towel, you can use the rope to restrain your partner’s wrists to the hook. It’s basically a very cheap version of the “over-the-door” restraints that many sex toy stores carry. When you get the cash, I do recommend the “official” set though – the rope can end up digging into your skin uncomfortably.

For other types of restraint, you can check out the car/camping supplies. In those aisles, you’ll find some bungee cables as well as cable ties (usually used to hold wires together). You can use both of those as playful restraints. I promise, though, that the bungee cables are much more fun to play with – attempting to figure out how to tie those together always leads my partner and me to lots of amusement.

Another good idea you can hunt out is a cheap scarf (that you wouldn’t be afraid to cut in case the knot is impossible to get out), a necktie, or a long over-the-calf sock. However, since you are using things that aren’t originally intended for restraint, I highly recommend you pick up a pair of 3 dollar “safety shears” (near the medical supplies) since these items are more likely to knot and need snipping. Safety shears, instead of regular shears, have a blunted tip so you won’t scratch up the person the items are tied on. If you happen to be really short on money (or your local store doesn’t carry any), children’s scissors with the blunted edges also work well if you are careful.

Looking for a ball gag on a budget? You can use one of those wiffleballs (the little plastic ball with holes in it) and just thread a string through the body of the ball (by using the holes) and tie it around the head. Now you have a breathable ball gag that works amazingly, and of course, comes apart really nicely for cleaning. (Wash the ball before use to get chemicals off or get dirt from the children who played with it in the store. Make sure your string is strong enough to not break or come apart.) Of course, if you are looking for a good bargain, you can purchase your wiffleball with a children’s plastic bat (usually found in ridiculous colors like yellow, red, or blue and hollow on the inside) for a good deal on a new impact toy.

If you both tend to make a bit of a mess during your sex sessions (or kink sessions with some food messes), you can usually find some pretty cheap blankets/sheets to help protect the blankets and sheets you really care about. Clearance towels can always work wonderfully to clean up some sort of mess too.

Another great section in the store for kink items? The craft aisle. You can end up looking into a lot of great stuff. For one, there’s a lot of different feathers and other textile items. Features can be used as great sensation play. You can purchase a small, clearance piece of fabric to work as a really cheap blindfold with your partner (while using those textile items.) You can purchase some soft pieces of satin or felt for other types of sensual play. (Just running the fabric over your partner’s skin.) Of course, a kinkster’s favorite is to purchase some cheap clothespins and use them as nipple clamps. You can get 200 of those clothespins for just a couple dollars which makes them easy to use and toss – no worries about losing them!

A very easy project to do: If you have a nearby hardware stores, go in and pick up a dowel and two eyebolts. You can take the dowel home, saw it to the size of your partner’s outstretched armspan (or the hardware store can do it for you if you measure your partner in advance), and you can screw the two eyebolts in on each end of the dowel. Voila! Instant spreader bar!

Of course, one of the best “kinky” portions of the store is the pet section. We use a lot of different objects to tie up and restrain our little furry friends. You can find collars (a dog’s large should usually fit every neck imaginable) as well as leashes. Some pet stores might have riding crops or other horse gear. If you enjoy the idea of a “slave” bed, you can buy large dog beds (or dog cages) that would work amazingly for that.

If you have a male partner who is into crossdressing, you should always pay close attention to the sale and clearance items in the women’s department. Many times, they are getting rid of things that come in obscure sizes – sizes that your male partner may comfortably be able to wear. At times, clearance can easily be 60% or 80% off of the original price, so you can end up getting some really nice bargains once in awhile. If you have someone with a panty fetish, you could always pick up a cheap (somewhat attractive) pair of panties in clearance, wear them, and bring them into your play. Since you aren’t attached to them, you won’t have many objections about letting a mess on them. (The same goes for some clearance hose/fishnets. If you don’t really care about them, there’s no objection to some sexy cutting of the items with scissors, bare hands, or a knife.)

One of the boyfriend and my favorite activities is to go into a clearance aisle at our local store and to try to figure out kinky uses for the items in the aisle. You can usually find lots of clothing, lots of random items, and usually lots of housewares. Attempting to figure out how to use it, throwing a random one dollar item into the cart, and having fun later on really is half the fun of the hunt in that instance.

However, keep some things in mind when hunting your local clearance aisle. You should always look over your perverted items to make sure they’d be safe for use (don’t use a ruler as a dildo for example). You also want to make sure they won’t break too easily, and if it does, adjust your force accordingly. It may sound hot, but breaking a ruler over someone’s butt is fun – unless the broken piece comes back to swipe you in the face. While I recommend finding pervertables for fun kink activities, I always recommend against “perverting” items as sex toys. Non sex-toy items usually have rough edges, and the material was never intended for insertion so it may not be safe. Plus, it may have small cracks that make it impossible to fully sterilize which sets you up for some infections in the future.

Really, I’m hoping some of the items I’ve mentioned can end up making it into your “toy bag”. You don’t always have to spend a huge budget when it comes to kink toys. With sex toys, it’s best to spend the money because the materials need to be safe and comfortable to use, but for kink toys, you can have fun perverting some of those “normal” items at Wal-Mart – and it ends up being fun too!

Good Vibrations

Good Vibrations is the premiere sex-positive, women-principled adult toy retailer in the US. An iconic brand and one of the world's first sex toy shops to focus specifically on women's pleasure and sexual education, Good Vibrations was founded by Joani Blank in 1977 to provide women with a safe, welcoming and non-judgmental place to shop for erotic toys. Good Vibrations has always included all people across the gender spectrum, and is a place where customers can come for education, high quality products, and information promoting sexual health, pleasure and empowerment. Customers can shop Good Vibrations' expertly curated product selection across any of its nine retail locations or on the GoodVibes.com website, where they can also find a wealth of information pertaining to sexual pleasure, exploration and education.

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