Experience Your Sexy: Integrating Inspired Desire and Erotic Energy

The concept of female sexual dysfunction has reached epidemic proportions in the United States. From plot lines in sitcoms to millions of dollars in investment in pharmaceutical research and development for a pink Viagra, the concept that women don’t want sex is pervasive.

The key question is not about women’s low sexual desire, the key question is the desire for what? Further, women who’ve grown up in American culture are brainwashed from birth, programmed to ignore their sexuality because good girls don’t. It’s hardly a surprise that women have conflicted relationship with their own sexuality if they acknowledge they are sexual beings at all. Women are taught to ignore or repress their sexuality until marriage at which point they should have a perfectly functioning and mind blowing sexual self to offer to a deserving partner; hardly a healthy sexual paradigm for women.

So now we are faced with, in our newly maternal and long-partnered state, diagnoses of hypoactive sexual desire disorder, low libido and desire discrepant partnerships. The solution? A pill, of course. Despite the fact that women’s desire is complex, despite the fact that the sexual response cycle varies among women, as well as between men and women, despite the fact that most women never really experienced their sexuality on their own terms, pharmaceutical companies and mainstream American culture believes that women can pop a pill to become acceptably sexual for the satisfaction of their partners.

The confliction and disintegration of erotic energy from the whole of women’s lives is the norm, the mainstream conception. It’s no wonder that 10 minutes after the children are sleeping we aren’t running to the closet to throw on that corset. It takes people longer to transition into a vacation or simply from work to home than is expected of women to transition from their day-to-day life void of eroticism to full-on sex kitten.

Whose sexuality is it anyway?

The most important step to take is to claim your sexuality for yourself. It’s not your partner’s. It’s not simply to create children. It’s not optional. It is part of you.

Your sexuality is integral to your well-being and fulfillment.

Most women find themselves three or four years into being a mama and discover they don’t recognize themselves. A significant factor in that change is the compartmentalization of your erotic energy. Yes, you’re tired. Yes, there is much to accomplish. Yes, there are plenty of people to nurture.

Remember, you are part of that family and deserve nurturing as well.

The last thing I will tell you is that maintaining the integration of your erotic energy into your manic, yet entirely vanilla day-to-day routine, is easy. It’s not. But, it’s fun and the payoff is so worth it. Look at the barriers we are faced with: a busy life focused on others, the American culture of repressed sexuality, body changes, and a life lived up to this point that may have prioritized repressing your sexuality for what you thought was your own good.

I’m here to tell you what few will admit. Sex is good. Being sexy is fun. Living your day-to-day routine with a little erotic kick is not only perfectly acceptable, but is also healthier, more fun and more respectful of your holistic self. I call it “experiencing sexy.”

It is time to experience your sexy.

The reason there is an epidemic of “hypoactive sexual desire disorder,” “low libido,” and supposed general female sexual dysfunction is that we’ve been brainwashed to believe that will be healthier and happier if we simply wall off that facet of our being. Overwhelming amounts of research now show that healthy sex life is just plain healthy. It’s truly use it or lose it.

It’s that simple: use it or lose it.

Research shows that the more you orgasm, the healthier your heart is and the more likely you are to maintain healthy sexual functioning into your elder years. Sexual pleasure and orgasms release happy hormones, increase blood flow and when achieved with your partner can enhance closeness.

It may seem that my ranting is pointing the finger toward the men in our lives and the greater patriarchal culture. However, interestingly, some research has shown that the people actually exerting influence on our sexuality are other women. The idea of female control theory states that although rules and laws regarding female sexuality may be created by men, it is the women who do the enforcing against one another.

If we examine that, it seems to bear out. We likely we received our first messages of how to conceive of our sexuality of sex education from our mothers or another woman in our lives. We continued to gather information from the girlfriends in our lives. While some of that information may be excellent and empowering and accurate, often it is women themselves sharing with other women that good girls don’t. Women spreading the message to other women that their experience must be minimal and that their sexual expression should be the last priority in their lives.

If women are the ones who are in charge of enforcement then my call to action is that we begin to encourage one another to explore and experience our sexuality in a way that is healthy, authentic and more transparent. If we begin talking to each other, if we begin to break down the barriers between one another to share information and be more open about how we experience our sexuality, the result can only be more pleasure for everyone.

It’s almost impossible to regret an orgasm. Orgasms are awesome. Pleasure is awesome. The reality is after a session of sexual pleasure whether alone or not: you can’t help but feel better. Your cheeks are rosy. You feel more energetic. You feel more peaceful and at ease. What could possibly be bad about that? The answer is nothing. If you really stop and examine and think about what could be bad about that you will come up empty-handed.

And carrying that energy into your day-to-day is often what women don’t do. They leave their erotic selves put away like the little black dress that only comes out for special occasions. I see it borne out over and over again.

Integrating sexual energy and erotic empowerment are the missing puzzle piece for so many women.

I encourage you to examine your own relationship with your erotic self. Consider how she might be interested in coming out to play. It is time to experience your sexy.

 

Photo by Velo Steve

Good Vibrations

Good Vibrations is the premiere sex-positive, women-principled adult toy retailer in the US. An iconic brand and one of the world's first sex toy shops to focus specifically on women's pleasure and sexual education, Good Vibrations was founded by Joani Blank in 1977 to provide women with a safe, welcoming and non-judgmental place to shop for erotic toys. Good Vibrations has always included all people across the gender spectrum, and is a place where customers can come for education, high quality products, and information promoting sexual health, pleasure and empowerment. Customers can shop Good Vibrations' expertly curated product selection across any of its nine retail locations or on the GoodVibes.com website, where they can also find a wealth of information pertaining to sexual pleasure, exploration and education.

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