I just read a study that basically said that this whole missing my kid thing is NEVER going to get better! Apparently you go through three stages when you’re separated from “a loved one.” First, there’s a sort of constant disappoinment every time you encounter something that makes you remember them, then because you’re body isn’t really equipped to deal with continually being shocked, you move into the “missing” phase where there’s an acceptance that they’re gone but you’re still sad about it, then, lastly there’s a “detachment phase” where you acept that thy’re gone and you don’t miss them so much because you’ve structured your life in a way that doesn’t depend on them being around. So, get this. When you’re sharing kids it’s apparently harder to get to the detachment phase because there are constant reminders of their presence and also because biologically we’re sort of programmed to not be able to detatch from the people we’ve been caregivers for (hence the empty nest syndrome) and also, on some level because some of us just are incapable of compartmentalizing our babies and so, viola! you end up in a constant state of phase 2 missing and the thing about phase 2 is it doesn’t get easier. Ever.
Of course, there’s the fact that if I did have both kids full-time I’d probably have no sex life whatsoever, so much of it being dependent on one big girl being at her other parents’ house and one little girl being “asleep/safely locked up in her room with some milk and her blankey¦ What was that thing about grass being greener? And how come grown-ups don’t get blankies??!