Cross-Dressing for Couples
Historically, more women have cross-dressed than men, usually to gain the social rights and freedoms of males. But, from the berdaches of the Americas to the hijras of south Asia, male cross-dressers are known in virtually every society, whether they adopt feminine garments for a limited time or an entire, feminine lifestyle indefinitely.
As a professional Mistress, feminization is one of my areas of focus and expertise, so I naturally attract a good deal of cross-dressers who are also submissive or masochistic, though a good chunk of them are simply erotic dressers who have no interest in being subjugated or whipped and I’m happy to enjoy a few hours with them as well.
This was not, however, always the case. When I first started out, I was rather turned off by the effeminate, over-the-top creatures. I felt that they were mocking my sex and gender, that they didn’t understand what it was like to really be a woman and, if anything, were infinitely more sexist than a regular guy.
I completely understood the desires of transsexuals to be put into the right body. I have no idea what I would do it I had been born with a male body and I greatly admire their courage and respect their struggle. The concept of a man who thinks all women are pampered, helpless, submissive sluts by definition, however, rubbed me the wrong way.
Five years as a professional domina have changed my mind and I’ve come to realize that this is not how even the most sissified male views women. After all, why would they want to see a domina if they really thought that? The more clients I see who wish to be sissified or feminized, the more I understand that a desire to cross-dress for a limited period of time–even if cross-dressing is associated with submission, subservience, and humiliation–does not indicate that the cross-dresser thinks women are inferior or weak.
It can be difficult for a woman to wrap her head around the idea that a male might like to be humiliated by imitating her, while still considering her to be dominant over him. However, most of these guys are not so much being forced into feminization as they are being removed from their gender to one degree or another. After all, the sissy is not asking to be dressed in the same garments as his Mistress. Instead he is asking to be dressed in overly sexual, obscenely frilly, super girly garments. The desire is often to be the extreme opposite of the male, while still respecting women.
Cross-dressers who wish to be attired as real women, on the other hand, may be looking to enjoy some of the perks of womanhood that are denied to them by societal expectations of their masculine role–and those expectations are very deeply ingrained not just in the average person on the street, but in the cross-dresser himself.
It’s nice to feel desired, sexy, and beautiful. It can even be nice to feel objectified, vulnerable, and silly, if that’s what gets your motor running. Men don’t often get to feel that way, at least not in our culture. They’re the ones meant to give attention, not get it, and some males have the most success in experiencing the feelings they associate with femininity by becoming feminine. At least, they enjoy becoming feminine for a little while before going back to enjoying their higher incomes, lower beauty expectations, and all the other perks that come with a penis.
Relationships require so many compromises and while of course no one should ever do something that they really don’t want to do, I can’t help but feel the world would be a happier place if cross-dressers, sissies, and all the other subsets of guys who like the play the gal felt more comfortable expressing their desires to their partners. I’ve heard so many horror stories from clients about their attempts to express their desires to their partners. At best, these wives and girlfriends said they weren’t interested and didn’t want to talk about it again, though of course if they were all for it, these guys wouldn’t be my clients.
So what’s a girl to do if she finds the man she loves to fuck wants to switch roles and she’s not too into the idea? Transvestism comes in many forms and for many guys a big part of it is the taboo. Of course the most important thing to do is talk, but it’s also important to experiment if both partners are to have a rewarding sexual experience. In the end, it may be discovered that there’s just nothing to be done, in which case the couple will have to decide whether to keep seeing each other, allow outside play and to what degree, or to try to live without the fulfillment of that fantasy.
For the woman who is entertaining thoughts of fulfilling a partner’s cross-dressing fantasy, I would also suggest reading up on cross-dressing, as well as on sexual fantasy in general and BDSM, if that is to be figured into play. Pornography that blurs the line between the sexes and genders can be inspirational and exploring one’s masculine side can not only be sexually fulfilling, but lead to a deeper understanding of oneself. And while strap-on play is not universally embraced by cross dressers, picking out your own penis is a great way to spend an afternoon. All this reading can lead to further discussion and understanding.