Clitoris Vs. Penis Vs. Vibrator

Of all the odd things I do everyday, answering sex questions and taking part in sex related discussions is a regular thing for me. I sometimes get some strange emails, but most of the time I get honest to goodness curiosity from both men and women alike, mostly because they’re not sure about their bodies, their partners’ bodies, or how to fit them together properly. I even got an email once from a woman who wanted to know how to perform fellatio, and this particular woman also told me that she’d been married for over twenty years.

Today, I got a message from a good friend of mine through a certain social network that I can never get enough of (it’s a relatively safe addiction, in my opinion, because it could be a lot worse…I could be on crack instead). This friend of mine has been a friend since we were in junior high, and he’s also one of my few friends with a sense of humor that nearly matches mine. Well, it compliments mine at least. We banter from time to time, and that’s always a good thing.

The message I got from Carlton (my dear friend) started out with him asking me what he could get into. He basically wanted a good prank to pull on some unsuspecting person – in this situation, his neighbor.

Take a pic of your penis, tape it to your neighbor’s front door, knock, run..” My suggestion, it seems, was a hit in Carlton’s mind.

Hard or flaccid? … Wait, isn’t it strange that was my first thought?

It doesn’t really matter, I guess, just as long as he can’t  identify it as yours…No, not strange that it was your first thought. Hang around in my head for a day or two. Nothing shocks me anymore.” I answered his question, and really thought about this for a minute. Would he really do this?

His neighbor’s reaction? He laughed and said that it was all shadow. Good thing that my friend Carlton has such a spirited neighbor, eh?

Then Carlton tells me that he was at his friend’s house and found a dildo just lying around, and when it was brought to light that he’d seen it, his friend’s girlfriend told him that the dildo belonged to him. It was there before she was. Carlton’s question was why it had balls.

It just so happens, as I told him, that some folks like the feel of something smacking their behind during penetration. I honestly believe it’s an animalistic type deal. You want to feel it because you just do!

The conversation turned a little more serious when we found ourselves discussing penis vs. clitoris.

The moral of this article: A clitoris is basically a female penis. Most men can’t cum without penile stimulation. Most women can’t cum without clitoral stimulation. They’re very much the same body part, only with a size difference and a few other minor details missing and added.

See the similarities? Polishing the log/polishing the pearl…even euphemisms are very similar. Strange and sometimes disturbing, but still similar.

Carlton gave me his own opinion on the sexual differences between men and women, where sex is concerned, anyhow.

I got this thesis. Women masturbate with inanimate objects to focus on themselves. Hence, most sexual aids are targeted for women. Men, however, spend their sexual moments with women focusing on themselves. So there isn’t a high market for male sexual aids, just performance enhancers.

Is his thesis correct? I’m trying to think of all the reasons why men and women do or do not masturbate, and he does have a few good points in there.

There is one problem with his statement, though. My toys, the ones in my personal collection, are anything but inanimate! All of them move, shake, wiggle, pulsate, vibrate, gyrate, and more. One of them even looks like a chocolate truffle and comes in a really smooth case. No pun intended.

Did you also notice that my friend, Carlton, has just totally ratted out the male race? Yeah, I caught that, too… Thanks, Carlton!

In the male race’s defense, not every man I’ve ever known worries only about himself. Only the ones who haven’t been taught to see sex in a different (better) light yet.

He also went on to say this: “If you spend more time going down on your chick, she’ll spend lest time with BOB.”

Well, duh. I’d like to hug Carlton right now, really hard for this last part, here. Where I live, there aren’t a lot of open minded people. Not at all. I’ve gotten messages from men in my area who say that if their wives get sex from them, she doesn’t need a dildo or a vibrator because she’s perfectly happy lying down and spreading her legs for him. For the record, that is the most selfish thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life. There are certain things that a vibrator can do that a man can’t, and the other way around. If you combine man with vibrator, you get what I call a “knock ’em out dead orgasm.” In most cases, this is true for both male and female orgasms.

To think that men who feel that way, so unresponsive to their partners’ needs, are fathers, raising sons to believe the same things, is just beyond comprehension – especially since I have daughters who may choose to get married one day. Luckily, I teach my kids that what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. They can apply that to sex later, but for now we’ll keep it simple.

Furthermore, if these like-minded, anti-vibrator, anti-giving-their-poor-wives-any pleasure idiots have daughters, are they teaching them to believe that she is just to serve her husband/mate? Isn’t that a little scary? No, that’s sad. Very sad. Can you imagine going through your entire life never knowing what a real orgasm was like all because somebody decided you weren’t allowed to have a vibrator and refuses to go down on you or help you out in any way?

The subject really miffs me, and yeah, I had a guy tell me once that his wife wasn’t “allowed” to have a vibrator. To me, that’s like saying we’re cancelling Christmas this year because Santa had a flat…

There is a silver lining to this anti-orgasm cloud. If a man doesn’t know that a woman isn’t likely to have an orgasm by penetration alone, and is taught to be a little more open, you could have a lot of fun teaching him how to make your eyes involuntarily roll into the back of your head. As a matter of fact, if he doesn’t know what a clit is really for, he may not know a few other important things, either-and that just means that you can have even more fun teaching him new things. After all, inexperienced men are just animals waiting to be let out of their cages. It doesn’t mean that they can’t give you an orgasm. They just need to learn how, and some of them are incredibly fast, thorough learners.

Here’s Carlton’s advice:

Ladies, tell your man how to get you off. Don’t be shy, he WILL appreciate the freak inside. I got a test for you. Dress up in your most scandalous bonaroos, give him that look, call him over, get him on his knees and TELL him to suck your toes. I bet he’ll do that shit.”

C, what are bonaroos? Maybe that should be saved for another article…

Happy Teach-Your-Man-How Fucking!

Good Vibrations

Good Vibrations is the premiere sex-positive, women-principled adult toy retailer in the US. An iconic brand and one of the world's first sex toy shops to focus specifically on women's pleasure and sexual education, Good Vibrations was founded by Joani Blank in 1977 to provide women with a safe, welcoming and non-judgmental place to shop for erotic toys. Good Vibrations has always included all people across the gender spectrum, and is a place where customers can come for education, high quality products, and information promoting sexual health, pleasure and empowerment. Customers can shop Good Vibrations' expertly curated product selection across any of its nine retail locations or on the GoodVibes.com website, where they can also find a wealth of information pertaining to sexual pleasure, exploration and education.

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