Charlie and Me

As Charlie Sheen’s public meltdown plays out, one part of the story caught my eye: Charlie’s non-monogamous household with children. Charlie lives with two women he calls the Goddesses, and his two twin boys.

I instantly thought, “This is the Bizzaro World version of my own household.

That would make my partner Charlie, the concept of which disturbs her; her husband and I would be the Goddesses (damn right we are!), and our twin girls are­“the twins. Now I’m not the porn star that Bree Olson was, but I have done several shoots. I’ve also been a nanny, so I guess I’ve covered both Goddess professions. The whole thing is almost amusing to think about. Almost.

I assume Charlie has enough bank to keep up his party rich lifestyle. We definitely don’t.  Not that we would even if we did. I stopped being a regular club kid over a decade ago; my partner would prefer a good spoken word show over a night in a pub (so would I) and her husband’s not much for crowds. A kick-ass party for us is having a bunch of friends over for BBQ in the backyard. Alcohol in our household is used for cooking. So there won’t be any stints in rehab coming to us for that. Also, none of the adults in the house has ever threatened, much less assaulted, one another.

Most importantly, we still have our children.

It genuinely bugs the shit out of me to think that Charlie Sheen might become the poster boy for poly-with-kids for those folks who enjoy grabbing some popcorn and watching a man’s public mental breakdown. Right now we’re doing everything we can to make sure our girls grow up in as stable an environment as we can provide. Believe me, if we had the means, we’d be looking for that perfect home to settle down and nest. My idea of luxury items is a BBQ pit and a king-size bed.

In the meantime, Martin Sheen’s youngest son could seriously use a moment of clarity. Try to live more like us, Chuck. It’s healthier.

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