Ask the Doctors: Why Does My Prostate Hurt?

I recently bought a prostate toy from you. I think that I’m using it right, but when I do, it hurts. Getting it in is fine, but when I try to push it against my prostate, it’s painful and not fun at all. Is it possible my prostate is someplace the toy can’t reach? Or that there might be some reason that my prostate doesn’t enjoy the touch?

Pain from prostate stimulation could be caused by a few different things. First off, when men get aroused, the prostate fills with fluid and engorges. Most men find that this is when prostate stimulation feels best and some guys report that if they aren’t turned on, it might feel uncomfortable or they might not feel anything at all.  So if you aren’t starting with something fun and familiar like masturbation, that might be the reason it’s painful. You might be pressing more firmly than your prostate likes in an unaroused state. If so, get turned on first and try more gentle touch. That might be all you need to have lots of prostate fun.

The prostate is a couple of inches inside the anus and towards the front of the body. While its exact location can vary a bit, it’s not likely to be far from that spot. However, accessing it can be easier or harder, depending on your position. If you bring your shoulders and hips closer together, like if you put a pillow under your hips to lift them (assuming you’re lying on your back), it can make it easier to reach the prostate. If your toy isn’t centered on it, you might be putting too much pressure on the surrounding tissue, which could cause your discomfort. Since the prostate gets bigger when you’re turned on, that makes it much easier to find.

If that doesn’t help, you might have a low-level prostate infection. It’s not uncommon and sometimes, men don’t even realize it because they don’t feel anything unless they experience prostate massage. Other times, they may notice discomfort during ejaculation, even without direct prostate touch. That would be something a doctor would need to assess. Often, prostate infections clear up with antibiotics.

However, it’s also possible for the prostate to be irritated or inflamed from pelvic muscle tension, rather than an infection. The symptoms can be very similar, but they won’t be cured by antibiotics. Since the prostate is right on top of some of the pelvic muscles, if they’re too tight, it can squeeze the prostate and cause discomfort. Physical therapy can be very effective and here’s a link to a great resource. They can also direct you to other resources if you aren’t in the San Francisco area. There are other health issues that can make prostate touch uncomfortable, and they can be pretty serious, so a medical exam would be the best route.

Lastly, even if there isn’t anything serious going on (and I truly hope there isn’t), some men simply don’t enjoy prostate stimulation. Other guys say that their first experiences weren’t particularly fun, but with a little experimentation, they figured out how to make it work for them. Similarly, I’ve talked with some women who say that G-spot stimulation was uncomfortable or painful until they  found the things that work for them. Since everyone is a bit different, you’ll need to try a few things out. We have some tips here that might help you out.

We’re dedicated to getting you the information you need about sex, pleasure and your health. If you have any questions, please email our staff experts, Dr. Carol Queen and Dr. Charlie Glickman, at! For product-related questions, please email or call our customer service staff at

Dr. Charlie Glickman

Charlie Glickman is the Education Program Manager at Good Vibrations. He also writes, blogs, teaches workshops and university courses, presents at conferences, and trains sexuality educators. He’s certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, and loves geeking out about sex, relationships, sex-positivity, love and shame, communities of erotic affiliation, and sexual practices and techniques of all varieties. Follow him online, on Twitter at @charlieglickman, or on Facebook.

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