Ask the Doctors: Too Tight for Penetration!
Are there exercises or toys I can use to increase the diameter of the opening of my vagina? Currently, it is very uncomfortable, even with massive amounts of lubricant, to penetrate more than a short distance. Thanks for the help.
–Too Tight to Tango
Yes, it is usually possible to use toys (and items intended/designed to be dilators) to work up to larger vaginal diameter or capacity. Have a look at these products, which are all designed for or useful for this purpose, although they are all hard plastic. This makes them smooth and easy to clean, but also inflexible. Some people prefer to use Silk dildos — these are silicone, somewhat firm but also flexible, and come in three sizes so you can go from smaller to larger.
You would definitely want to use a lubricant when you use these, and take your time. There are many reasons why penetration may be uncomfortable and the vaginal opening tight or narrow. If you have never communicated with a doctor about this, you might wish to do so, since some causes of these issues can be anatomical or physiological, and it’s possible a physician could help.
Some thoughts: It’s not completely clear to me whether you can only enter your vagina a short way because of the tightness of the introitus (that is, the opening), or whether something is stopping you from going further. If the latter, you should know that it’s possible to have a hymen so strong that it prevent penetration altogether — this is pretty rare, but it does happen. Also, it’s possible to have a much shorter-than-average vaginal canal.
If your issue is tightness rather than depth of penetration, here are some additional thoughts:
Vaginismus — vaginal tightness that causes pain and/or interferes with penetration — may be part of your situation, and there’s a good deal of information available about it (check the link for one site that addresses it). Please note that many times vaginismus is addressed with regard to penile penetration, and of course not every women has a penis in her life right now <g> or desires penile-vaginal intercourse; there are other kinds of sexual experience that can be affected by vaginismus, whether you are partnered or want more solo erotic options.
Kegel, or PC (pubococcygeal), exercises serve to increase the flexibility of the muscles that surround the vagina and are responsible for tightening and relaxing them. Here’s how to do the exercises. This might not be enough to make the tightness go away altogether, but they will help.
In doing dilation exercises, it isn’t absolutely necessary to be sexually aroused. But knowing what I do about genital anatomy and physiology, I’d strongly recommend that you do include arousal in your process. For one thing, the simplest answer to your concern is that you haven’t been adequately aroused yet when penetration attempts have been made. For some women, this makes the vagina seem very tight, but the same vagina, with good arousal, will be quite flexible and able to be comfortably and pleasurably entered. Arousal brings blood flow into the vulvo/vaginal area and makes this flexibility possible — it’s not just a mental state, but a physical one as well. Plus it makes the exercises much more fun to do.
Either of the products linked to above — the Vibrating Dilator Set or the Oasis Intimates Wand Vibrators– will allow you to add clitoral vibration to your experience and greatly increase your arousal that way. If you choose the Silk dildos, you might wish to add a vibrator as well. You can also add clitoral stimulation by hand, of course, and/or add to your arousal level with erotica.
By the way, I looked up my old Q&A about vaginismus in case it is helpful. Here it is.
And here’s one from my colleague Dr. Charlie Glickman.
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