Ask the Doctors: Info & Support for Masturbation
I am looking for DVDs to recommend to a man I know. He is in his 50s, repressed sexually and has no outlet for his sexual tension because his wife is a survivor of sexual abuse and not able to engage sexually with him in any way. He is both inhibited around self-stimulation, and says he needs visual stimulation besides the self-stimulation in order to be aroused and reach orgasm.
I was wondering if you could recommend anything which would be encouraging for him around masturbation, and one or two erotic films that might arouse him?
— Pro-Pleasure Friend
Joseph Kramer, PhD, is one of the most important guys in the small world of male masturbation info and support. His “New School of Erotic Touch” is here — and besides online videos, there are also online classes. One of the videos is called “Evolutionary Masturbation” (it depicts all men, I believe).
Also, GV carries a video of his called “The Best of Penis Massage;” it includes partner-sex images as well as solo, which your friend may find erotic as well as informational. FYI, though, I am not positive that all such images are heterosexual; some may depict same-sex contact, and while many men are happy to watch this, some men world prefer not to. Here it is, described: “The Best of Penis Massage is the result of twenty-five years of research on how to eroticize the whole body by stimulating the genitals. This stimulating collection offers the full spectrum of male genital massage: lovemaking with a partner, selfloving, erotic initiation, sex coaching, exploring altered states, and good old-fashioned pleasuring. Enjoy the playfulness and creativity of men and women liberated from sexual habit.”
JackinWorld is an important site where men talk about masturbation; it might be interesting and appropriate for him.
Additionally, he might value the work of Betty Dodson — she is blogging and posting material very actively these days and while much of her work has to do with women’s self-pleasure, she is also very relevant to men, and many men participate in discussions on the site, so like JackinWorld, it has a real community feel.
There’s a movie (and book it’s based on) that might be valuable for him and even his partner, if she is open to addressing some of the trauma of her past: Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma. And here’s the link to the book. Regardless of whether his partner is open to looking at this material, it’s possible it’d help him with perspective. Just a thought.
As far as recommending an erotic movie is concerned: This is a very tall order given that I don’t know about this gentleman’s taste or limitations re: what he finds erotic. I am tempted to say an explicit sex ed movie or quasi-doc dealing with couples would be better than an old-school porno; or possibly something designed for women. But he may feel fine abut watching more hard-core stuff; hard to say. Some links:
Couples (in particular, Bill and Desiree)
A bit wilder but still with some emotional grounding: “An Open Invitation” (this one follows a couple as they begin swinging. So it has group sex, but also more emotional resonance than is usual in porn).
Best of luck to him!
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