Ask the Doctors: G-spot Pleasure & Female Ejaculation?

I recently purchased and watched your movie GUSH: The Official Guide to the G-Spot & Female Ejaculation, and I would really appreciate your help in answering a series of questions. I thank you for this useful and inspiring video, but I also realize I need someone expert like you to help solve a bit of frustration I have, and curiosity I can’t satisfy due to a lot of disinformation on the net. I am a 23-year-old woman. 

You said that it is not clear if all women can ejaculate. Almost all the websites saying that all women can ejaculate always offer something to buy, and I need to understand if the people claiming that this is a possibility for all women have enough information and are telling the truth. How many people do you know who have discovered this phenomenon after trying and trying? I have read that some women discover it at older ages for the first time. Does this mean that they haven’t had an active sexual life until that point? I am getting frustrated by the fact that this may not happen to me, as I would love to find this pleasure and above all offer it to my partner. I am obsessed about showing and giving this thing to him. 

The G-spot stimulation is associated with the sensation of urination — is that right? Should I continue to stimulate myself so as to get this sensation? Are Kegel exercises useful to increase the likelihood of ejaculating? 

Do women who take the contraceptive pill have less possibility of learning to ejaculate? 

I have a good sexual relationship with my partner, but I’ve never experienced an orgasm during intercourse without any clitoral stimulation. Do you suggest that I search for ejaculation without having any prior clitoral orgasm? I hardly have more than one orgasm each time we have sex. By watching your video I thought I could start with G-spot stimulation and oral clitoral stimulation, trying to avoid any clitoral orgasm and push the pleasure from inside. Is this a good idea? 

It is not clear to me why you suggested the doggy style position to better stimulate the G-spot during intercourse. As this point is on the front vagina wall, the penis would stimulate more the back wall due to its upward curved shape.

I hope you will be available to answer my question, and make me a happy woman!!! Thank you. 

It is not clear scientifically whether every woman can learn to ejaculate. Some “sexperts” argue this — and you’re correct, often they are attempting to sell a workshop, book, or other product. I do not necessarily think every woman can do it, and perhaps more importantly, I worry that excessive focus on it will lead some women to a state of performance anxiety about it, which will lessen the chances that ejaculation may happen for them.

Because you are very “obsessed” about learning to do it, I will caution you that you will have to balance your excitement about learning this response with the ability to stop thinking about it when you are actually having sex. Over-thinking during sex is often associated with the inability to orgasm at all, so it will not help you on your quest. The percentage of women who ejaculate is not clearly known. Sometimes the number 10% is quoted — I have been hearing this for years — but other studies give much higher percentages, closer to 40%. Most research about ejaculation is done on small groups of study participants; this does not give us really great confidence in the research.

It’s true that many women older than you are have found the ability to ejaculate — some research suggests that many women do not reach their peak sexual comfort until they are in their 30s. You ask a good question in wondering whether this means such women haven’t had good enough sex when younger — I am sure in some cases this is quite true, but there may also be many other elements involved: Some of them do not get truly comfortable with sex and with their bodies until they are older; in some cases their older partners might be better and more knowledgeable lovers; these women have had time to learn about the things that really lead them to become aroused. It’s even possible there are hormonal changes that affect this.

You asked about hormonal birth control, and this is not well-studied at all. However, it IS known that some women taking the Pill have a harder time with arousal and orgasm — I have already written about this here —  and obviously the Pill affects women’s hormones. I would not be at all surprised to find out that birth control pills affect some women’s ability to ejaculate — especially those for whom other sexual effects are noticeable.

Yes, G-spot stimulation seems very much connected to many women’s ability to ejaculate, although it is still being debated exactly what the G-spot is. In any case, many women say their first physical sensation leading to ejaculation is that feeling of urinary pressure — so if you get that feeling, continue to stimulate the G-spot, for sure. Kegel exercises may help, especially for the sense that you are “squirting” or propelling the ejaculation — many women like that sensation and find it quite pleasurable. Some experts warn that too-tight Kegels will be as much of a problem as too-weak ones, so make sure you do the exercises that both tighten AND relax those muscles. Also, better-toned Kegels (also known as PC or pubococcygeal muscles) will add to the pleasurable sensation of orgasm, and that will also add to the pleasure you get from ejaculation.

The doggy-style position in intercourse will be best for those women whose partners have rather short penises — from that direction, you can angle your hips in a way that the penis contacts the front vaginal wall directly. A longer penis might not do that so well. But an upward curve can in fact stimulate the front wall during rear-entry intercourse, depending on the angle of your body when you are leaning or kneeling. It’s just that even when the penis comes into contact with the front wall during intercourse in any position, it’s possible that it will not provide enough pressure to stimulate the G-spot to orgasm or ejaculation. Pretty strong pressure can be necessary, depending on the woman. This is also why I always recommend using lubrication when trying to stimulate the G-spot, even if you do not usually use it.

The best position to try ejaculation with your partner is actually not an intercourse position at all — it’s oral sex plus fingers, curled upwards and stroking. The fingers can give an ideal amount of pressure, and you are most likely to orgasm from the clitoral stimulation oral sex gives. Yes, you could try this without a clitoral orgasm — but often, the clitoral orgasm PLUS the direct vaginal stimulation helps the ejaculation happen. You might even find that the ejaculation can occur after you have a clitoral orgasm, unless you get uncomfortable with continued stimulation. While some women are very responsive, to the point of orgasm and sometimes ejaculation, with vaginal-only stimulation, many women depend on both things at once to come, so you do not need to deny yourself clitoral stimulation to try for ejaculation.

The two most important elements for you are probably achieving really high arousal (for some women, this means having sex for a longer time than usual, and not just intercourse — whatever is best stimulating to you, whether that is kissing, or oral, or anything that gets you most turned on); and then being able to let go and just have the sexual response happen. Many times, a woman seeking to find the G-spot or her own ejaculation gets onto her partner’s “schedule,” if you know what I mean — beginning intercourse when he is ready and desiring it, maybe not waiting as long as she would if it were all up to her. Even if she feels very turned on, this may not be the best time to easily have an orgasm, or to try for ejaculation.

I hope these answers are helpful — and that you will be a happy women sexually, regardless of ejaculation! I wish you the best of luck in experiencing it. And if you’d like to try a G-spot toy, here are some of our favorites.

Gigi Rechargeable Vibrator

Siren Silicone Dildo

Pop Your Top Deluxe Kit

Bullseye Silicone Dildo


We’re dedicated to getting you the information you need about sex, pleasure and your health. If you have any questions, please email our staff experts, Dr. Carol Queen and Dr. Charlie Glickman, at education@goodvibes.com! For product-related questions, please email or call our customer service staff at customerservice@goodvibes.com.

Dr. Carol Queen

Carol Queen has a PhD in sexology; she calls herself a "cultural sexologist" because her earlier academic degree is in sociology: while she addresses individual issues and couple's sexual concerns, her overarching interest is in cultural issues (gender, shame, access to education, etc.). Queen has worked at Good Vibrations, the woman-founded sexuality company based in San Francisco that turned 35 years old in 2012, since 1990. Her current position is Staff Sexologist and Good Vibrations Historian; her roles include representing the company to the press and the public; overseeing educational programming for staff and others; and scripting/hosting a line of sex education videos, the Pleasure-Ed series, for GV’s sister company Good Releasing. She also curates the company's Antique Vibrator Museum. She is also the founding director of the Center for Sex & Culture, a non-profit sex ed and arts center San Francisco, and is a frequent lecturer at colleges, universities, and community-based organizations. Her dozen books include a Lambda Literary Award winner, PoMoSexuals, and Real Live Nude Girl: Chronicles of Sex-Positive Culture, which are used as texts in some college classes. She blogs at the Good Vibes Magazine and at SFGate's City Brights bloggers page and contributes to the Boston Dig. For more about her at carolqueen.com.

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1 Response

  1. S.Lynne says:

    Thanks for asking and answering these questions!!!

    I feel lucky to be in the 40% of women who experiences ejaculation most times I have sex. I don’t really think of it as a skill that I learned. Though, there are two things that make it easier for me to ejaculate. Dr. Queen comments on both of them, so I’m just sharing how helpful they were for me.

    The first is lots of solo play. I grew up ashamed of sex and when I let that go and saw solo play as healthy and important and stress relieving (which I didn’t really embrace until late), I got to know my body really well. Also, using toys, my fingers, erotica, and absolutely positively using lube. Getting to know my body better and becoming sex positive without shame or guilt made it easier for me to ejaculate with or without g-spot stimulation.

    That solo play leads to the second thing, which is the extent to which sex is mental and not physical. I had one partner say recently “you enjoy this way more than any woman I’ve met in a while.” Later, when I told him that I feel lucky to always have great sex, he said it’s because I’m so easy to please. For me, sex is a lot about my thoughts while it’s happening. And really, it’s the thoughts I’m NOT having, rather than the over-thinking that I do when I’m not having sex. I see sex like an ice cream sundae… fun to eat, goes down easy, something to look forward to, there for my pleasure to eat as much or little as I want, not a chore. That is purely mental. I look for things to enjoy in the moment… like a kiss on the back of my knee or nibbling a partner’s neck. If something doesn’t feel good, I change it. Being totally in the moment and doing what I enjoy heightens the enjoyment.

    A partner asked me if it feels different to ejaculate than to orgasm. It is different, though not that different. For me, ejaculating is an immediate relief and release of tension; orgasm is falling over a cliff and losing contact with the ground. I’ll know an orgasm is great when I want to fall directly asleep (like how some men do and I think which might be related to hormones). With ejaculation, I don’t ever get that feeling of utter and wholly pleasant exhaustion. So, ejaculation may be a little over-rated.

    And, ahem, not all guys (or girls) are into ejaculation. Some find it a total turn-off, and it can make a big mess. (Towels are a must!)

    Without having let go of shame and my focus on pleasing a partner, I don’t think I’d orgasm every time like I do… I don’t focus on whether my partner is having fun. I think about the fun I’m having, embracing whatever part of the moment is most enjoyable, and if I’m having fun, then he (or her as the case may be), is too!!