Ask the Doctors: Am I Too Big To Reach My G-spot?

I’m 21 years old and have never had a g-spot orgasm. Is it possible that it’s because of my belly that my partner can’t get deep enough? And if so, until I lose weight how can we fix this problem?

While it’s possible but not definite that your size affects the way you and your partner fit together – am I correct in reading your question as referring to intercourse with a person with a penis? – the fact that you haven’t had a G-spot orgasm is more complicated than that. First let me just say this: You don’t actually have a problem at all – MOST 21-year-old women of any size have never had a G-spot orgasm. The fact that you know about such orgasms and want to have one may make you impatient; I guess that could be construed as a problem, but mostly, I’d say you may be expecting G-spot responses where they are rather difficult to find.

It’s possible that you’ve  got a potentially sensitive g-spot, and it’s possible that you don’t (we don’t know for sure whether every woman will feel pleasurable sensations from g-spot stimulation, much less be able to orgasm – only a minority of women now seem to have this experience). Some “sexperts” who teach g-spot workshops are convinced that every woman could have this experience, if taught how to do it; they may be right, but science hasn’t established that, so far. Meanwhile, intercourse is one of the least successful ways to find the g-spot. This is so because for most women, especially at first, a fair amount of pressure on the g-spot (on the upper wall of the vagina, approximately 3” inside) is needed to get this area – whose proper name is the Prostata Femina – to respond. During intercourse, most penises aren’t curved enough to provide that pressure. The penis just slides right past.

How most women find their G-spot is via fingers — one or two fingers in the vagina, curled upward in the direction of the navel, stroking, is a good recipe for finding it. Again, fairly firm stroking is necessary for many women, and that may not feel orgasmic or even comfortable without lube. It will also be a more successful search if you are already quite turned on before you go looking. The other common way the G-spot is found is via sex toys that have a built-in curve and/or ball shape (see the links below).

Meanwhile, you and your partner might want to check out some informational videos or books about G-spot play. I host the Pleasure-Ed title Gush (that refers to the fact that some women emit fluid with g-spot orgasms); Good Vibrations also carries other videos and books, as well as toys, that are great for g-spot hunting; you’ll find a lot of them here and here. Also, if you haven’t tried positioning pillows, you and your partner might want to see how elevating your pelvis (or supporting your body during rear-entry positions) might affect your experience during intercourse.

Finally – it’s possible that you’re asking about a G-spot orgasm but are including all vaginal orgasms in that term. The ways bodies fit together might influence this, perhaps – but there’s no guarantee that this is true. Plenty of plus-size women are happily orgasmic, in a variety of ways. Positioning pillows might make a difference, but probably most important is for you to maximize how turned on you can get during sex, and certainly during intercourse. Too often, women start having intercourse before they’re fully turned on – and in a situation like that, orgasm can be very elusive, G-spot or no G-spot.

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Dr. Carol Queen

Carol Queen has a PhD in sexology; she calls herself a "cultural sexologist" because her earlier academic degree is in sociology: while she addresses individual issues and couple's sexual concerns, her overarching interest is in cultural issues (gender, shame, access to education, etc.). Queen has worked at Good Vibrations, the woman-founded sexuality company based in San Francisco that turned 35 years old in 2012, since 1990. Her current position is Staff Sexologist and Good Vibrations Historian; her roles include representing the company to the press and the public; overseeing educational programming for staff and others; and scripting/hosting a line of sex education videos, the Pleasure-Ed series, for GV’s sister company Good Releasing. She also curates the company's Antique Vibrator Museum. She is also the founding director of the Center for Sex & Culture, a non-profit sex ed and arts center San Francisco, and is a frequent lecturer at colleges, universities, and community-based organizations. Her dozen books include a Lambda Literary Award winner, PoMoSexuals, and Real Live Nude Girl: Chronicles of Sex-Positive Culture, which are used as texts in some college classes. She blogs at the Good Vibes Magazine and at SFGate's City Brights bloggers page and contributes to the Boston Dig. For more about her at

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