Another Anti-Climactic Evening at Home
It used to be that an anti-climactic evening at home meant that I was too tired from a long day of work and kids, that I was hesitant to work up the energy to have sex because it just seemed like toooo much effort to orgasm, I was anxious about the kids being just in the other room and could not concentrate and that my husband would be left to choose between a quickie, a blowjob or jacking off to reach his orgasm. Tonight was a very different evening in our home. Sex is no longer a chore in our household and has become not only sustenance for much excitement, but the dessert and topping too. A lot of sex is happening in our house now and we needed to start being honest about it all.
So we finally did it. We bit the bullet and just did the deed. We have talked about it for weeks and weeks, wondering what the right time was and what all the ramifications might be. We were not sure they were old enough to know, but yet, we were convinced they already had intuited everything. We were definitely sure they had overheard WAY too many conversations and arguments that were not only over their heads, but most likely to be confusing since they did not know the truth. And most of all, we were tired of hiding the truth from those with whom we are closest and most intimate. We decided to come out to our kids as polyamorous.
After the last conversation where I told the kids that Mom and Dad might be bringing some friends home for sleepovers went so well, it seemed a logical next step to just tell them that we date other people. Wouldn’t they have figured it out from all the overnights and evenings spent with “friends”? Wouldn’t they have figured it out from all the arguments they overheard about scheduling date nights and who gets the weekends and who gets the nice car? We were not sure, but one night, when they were all cozy in their pajamas, ready to go to bed, we decided to tell them a little bedtime story about families and how some families are different than others.
My husband started the story and immediately got in way over their heads, so I took over and said, “Look, you know how we have talked about some families are different than others, like our friends who have two mommies, or our friends who have parents who are divorced?” Everyone nodded, and named some of these friends. I explained at that point that most families in our country operate with a mom and a dad, and sometimes with a single parent or another couple and that most people consider this normal. I also explained that when they get older, they are going to want to start “dating” other kids their age and that as they get older, they may find they want to date girls, boys, some of each, one of each, etc… I explained that in our family, we don’t mind whom they choose to date, as long as they are respectful and kind to one another.
I explained that it is often viewed by society as okay only when you are young to date many people, and that there is plenty of pressure out in the dating world to date only one. I also explained that in our family, its okay if you want to date more than one person, as long as everyone is honest and respectful. I told our children that their dad and I are married only to one another, and that will remain true, but that we sometimes go on “dates” with others. I ended the story by mentioning a few of our friends whom they had previously met whom their father and I date, and wondered if they remembered them and felt like it was okay that we were dating them.
Our boys did remember our friends, and stated that they felt fine about the situation. My husband and I asked if they had any questions. They both shrugged and said they did not. Lastly, we mentioned that not all families think like we do, not all of their friends’ parents date others, and that some of those parents might judge us for what we do. We stated that we do not believe what we do is wrong, and that we believe there is plenty of love in our hearts for all of our friends, but that others might have a different idea about it.
Our kids accepted our beliefs and did not question any of it. We are waiting for some questions to bubble up out of their consciousnesses when they are ready. But so far, it seems this was another very anti-climactic discussion about love and sex in the world we live in now. Next we will talk with them about the political effects that the heterocentric monogamistic society we live in has on our daily live. Or not. We will see.