Anal sex has its own month? Cool.
I was minding my very own business today, checking emails, arguing back and forth with my somewhat evil children (okay, so they’re not evil…just rowdy sometimes), letting some dough rise for rolls, half paying attention to the editing work I was doing and all of a sudden I get an email expressing that it’s Anal Sex Month. Was I really so engrossed in pushing a book on the market and wrangling children that this just slipped my mind? Typically, since this is one of my favorite subjects, you’d think I would have remembered that there was an entire month in honor of the backdoor deed…
Or am I completely wrong and this is just a new thing? Either way, it doesn’t matter. The important thing is that we all take a moment to recognize what this really means. I’m not an Anal Sex Month expert, but I would say that the reasons that we celebrate such a thing are not quite as clear as you would think.
For sure, we’ll give anal sex its own month because it’s pretty dern (yes, “dern” is a Southern word, meaning “dang,” and also another four letter word that starts with a D) great. An anal orgasm is second to none. Almost as great as a squirting orgasm. However, to celebrate, think about a few things first.
First, anal sex may have always been something people have enjoyed, both male and female, but it hasn’t always been recognized as a healthy sex act or practice until the last decade or two. Anal sex was still pretty taboo for quite some time. Doctors would tell you not to do it because you could rip out your anus or whatever other weird excuses they had (although, if it actually is possible to rip your anus out, please share a link through comments or email!).
While it’s possible to obtain injury if you’re not as safe as you absolutely can be, I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone without a preexisting condition who actually ripped it out…Other than weird physicians advice and orders, people would simply screw their noses up cork style and sneer with the mere mention of inserting a penis into an anus. Some still do it, but I just usually smile to myself knowing that I’m enjoying something that they’re not. Some people just don’t understand that the equation for sex (penis + vagina = reproduction) can be changed into many, many other things (example: penis + anus = no reproduction and a big orgasm OR vagina + slightly hooked finger = squirting orgasm).
It’s also a pretty safe guess that Anal Sex Month is celebrated because there are a complete slew of toys dedicated to the rump, and contrary to whatever hee haw mumbo jumbo folks like to spread around, women can use them just as easily as men can. Just because we have vaginas doesn’t mean we can’t explore other orifices, too. You can even explore your barn door alone, and as a matter of fact, I would suggest that YOU DO before you do it with a partner.
I have some quick safety tips for those who have never experienced the wonder that is anal sex.
1.- I’m sure you all know that when you have anal sex, someone is going to be roaming around in your anus. And we all know what comes outta there. So, we’ll skip niceties and I’ll just remind you that a clean rear is a happy rear (and also makes for a grateful partner and a happier experience).
2.- Do. Not. PANIC! I say this with love. When embarking on the adventure of anal sex for the first time, you would have all laughed at me to no end if you could have seen my face. You would have thought I was waiting to be hit with a jackhammer. I had my fists clenched and full of sheets, my eyes squinted shut, and my entire body tensed up to the point where I thought I would pass out. Do not do what I did. Instead, relax your muscles.
TALK to your partner before you start, even though it may not be such a sexy conversation. It can be a good idea (no, a GREAT idea) to have your partner lube a fingertip and massage around your anus first, then slowly introduce his finger to your entry. Breathe normally while he or she is doing this, and then when you feel like you’re ready, he can replace his finger with his penis (or an anal toy with a wide base at the bottom).
3.- Do not ever, under any circumstances, let him take his penis (or toy) out of your anus and put it into your vagina. I don’t care if it has a condom on it or not. There are bacteria there and you’ll transfer them and catch the heebiejeebies–no matter how clean your rear end is. Everyone has bacteria there. Let’s not spread it around and give the doctors in the ER something to talk about during their lunch hours for entertainment, okay?
4.- If it hurts, stop. It’s that simple. There is nothing on this earth that can make you keep going and no reason why you should if it doesn’t feel good. Now, with that being said, keep in mind that the muscles in your anus are round, sort of like elastic pony tail holders, and there’s one at the beginning of your anus. Penetration can be uncomfortable until you get past that point. If it hurts a bit when he sneaks the head of his penis inside of you, rest assured that once he moves past that muscle, it’s probably going to feel a whole lot better to you.
And now is a good time to mention that your mouth is not the only part of your body that swallows things. Your anus does, too. This is why, my friends, it’s a bad, bad, bad idea to use a toy without a wide base at the bottom on your anus. You could end up swallowing it and not being able to dislodge the item. This act will send you right to the ER (with a very uncomfortable ride there) to have it removed. Chances are, your physician isn’t going to be as tender and gentle down there as your lover and he for sure isn’t going to buy you dinner first. Exploratory surgery, anyone? Nope. Didn’t think that would interest you. Buy toys that are anal safe, and make sure you check labels to be a hundred percent sure.
5.- Lube it up. Use as much lube as you want to use. It’s not a good idea to use tingly or warming lubes, though, especially if it’s your first anal experience. This rule is pretty simple explains itself. Your vagina lubricates itself upon arousal. Your anus just kinda sits there.
To read more about How to Enjoy Anal Sex, click the link.
Happy Anal Sex Month Fucking!