Agony Aunts And Bogus Ph.Ds “ A Critical Look At Sexperts “ Part 4

It’s probably clear by now, if you’ve read my previous articles in this series, that I don’t have a high opinion of most sexpert advice out there. I could point to studies that show that marriage counseling doesn’t work, and that many psychiatrists have serious personal problems of their own, so they shouldn’t be trying to fix other people, but I won’t go that route. I’ll just point out what I think you should look for if you really want to take your relationship to a head shrinker.

Dr. John Gottman’s books are on the shelf next to the John Gray’s Mars/Venus books, but guess who gets all the public adulation? Yup, the one who is not nearly as good. Gottman’s books help couples learn to discuss and argue in a constructive manner, rather than encouraging men and women to fall into gender stereotypes the way Gray does. You can get Gottman’s books at any library or bookstore.

I quoted Dr. Petra Boynton in my previous article. She always has great information about sex that is accurate and positive. Her blog is at

Now, if it’s sex that’s giving you problems, you may be interested in seeing a sex therapist. First, see your regular doctor to make sure there aren’t any physical problems that are behind your sex problems. Once that’s out of the way, maybe give a sex therapist a go. I figure that if you need a sex therapist, it would only be temporary until you’re on your feet again. It would likely be a little embarrassing to tell a perfect yet sympathetic stranger that intercourse is painful for you because you lack lubrication, or that you wish your partner would go down on you more than he or she does, but once you set up a rapport with the sex therapist, the talk becomes easier. There are all kinds of sex therapists, with all kinds of approaches and areas of expertise.

If this sounds like an ideal set-up to you, call the British Association for Sexual and Relationship Therapy (BASRT) on 020 8543 2707 for a referral, or look BASRT up in your local business directory. In the US, check out the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors & Therapists.

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