9 Ways for Mom to Nourish Her Sexy Side
As the mother of five, I can tell you that moms spend a lot of time taking care of everyone else. It’s in the job description. From early morning, to late at night (and sometimes in the middle of the night) we do our best to feed, clean, teach, transport, support, and love our families, as only we can. Our own needs are often the last things to be addressed, especially our sexual needs.
I think it’s important for moms to nourish their sexy side and here’s why: your sexuality is where your body, mind, emotions, and spirituality sync up. Sex is free and it belongs to you. Orgasms are great stress relief, a fantastic way to recharge your batteries. Coming can make you feel like falling in love all over again – an emotion that benefits you and your whole family.
When I talk about feeling sexy, I mean your inner sense of sexy, not an ideal imposed on women by our culture. I mean a sense of sexiness that wells up inside and flows over into everything that we do. I mean a sexy side that meets your partner, not something that your partner bestows on you. I mean really owning your body and your pleasure.
Like most moms, I have struggled with how to best balance all of the different aspects of my life. How do I meet all of my obligations and still respect my sexuality? Through some work and self-exploration, I’ve discovered the best ways for me to keep feeling sexy. Not every idea will work for everyone, but here they are – 9 ways for moms to nourish their sexy side:
1) Have boundaries. Saying no actually makes it easier to say yes. Listen to that voice inside that says you are maxed out, and don’t take on extra projects. Delegate where you can. Letting resentment build up is a huge barrier to feeling sexy, so speak up when you start to feel bad. Conversely, ask for what you want and let yourself say yes to pleasure.
2) Stay healthy. Make sure that your body is a place you want to be, both emotionally and physically. Eating well, exercising, and treating your body with respect frees up your physical response. Clearing out old emotional baggage allows you to be present in the moment.
3) Acknowledge your sexiness. Women don’t stop being sexual the moment they get pregnant. Sex exists in the context of your family. Ditch the shame from your childhood and talk openly and honestly about sexuality with your own kids. Give yourself permission to feel sexy, even as a mom.
4) Think sexy. Spend time thinking about sex. Read erotica. Write love letters or poems. Contemplate what turns you on and flesh out your fantasies.
5) Stock up on touch. Physical touch, even non-sexual touch, releases oxytocin, a hormone that reduces feelings of stress and promotes intimacy and bonding. So take every opportunity to hold hands, cuddle, kiss, hug, or get a massage. Even gazing into your partner’s eyes can increase the levels of love hormones surging through your body!
6) Indulge yourself. Give yourself the gift of sensuality. Buy lingerie that feels good against your skin. Even if you are the only person who knows that you are wearing it, it will be worth it. Do nice things for your body, like getting a pedicure or a spa treatment. Fill your bedroom with things that delight your senses like candles or flowers. Eat chocolate.
8 ) Seize opportunities. Time can be a limiting factor for moms, so be on the lookout for chances to be spontaneously sexual – early morning, late at night, in the shower, naptime, or any time the kids are out of the house. If you have a partner, look for ways to borrow time, like meeting each other at lunchtime, or taking an afternoon off together.
9) Schedule adult time. Honor your sexuality by making time each week to connect to your sexy self. This could be time when a babysitter comes to your house and you go out for dinner, a movie, a long walk, an hourly hot tub rental, or an event at your local sex-positive center. Or it could be that you swap nights with another family or send the kids to a relative’s house and have time at home. Resist the temptation to run errands or do dishes and make your adult time be about intimacy, exploration, and sensuality.
Your mileage will vary, as they say. Every person is different; every family is different, but all moms – partnered or single, gay or straight, poly or mono – are sexual beings. So prioritize your relationship with yourself and start feeling sexy!