5 New Year’s Resolutions to Make 2012 Your Sexiest Year Ever!

Are you thinking about what changes or resolutions you want to make in the new year? Instead of the same-old ideas that never seem to stick, here are some tips to make 2012 full of sexy fun!

1) Try something new. Are you stuck in a sexual rut? Have you been doing the same things for so long that they’ve stopped being sexy? Mix it up and give something new a try! No matter how much you know about sex, there’s always something different to do. After all, you probably don’t eat the same foods that you did when you were younger, so why should you be having the same kinds of sex?

If you’re looking for inspiration, take a look at some of our how-to books and movies. Don’t get stuck in the notion that sex should just come naturally- nobody is born knowing how to do it and the more you learn, the more fun you can have. It’s like cooking. You don’t have to try everything in the cookbook. If you get just a couple of new recipes to experiment with or if you get some ideas for improving on some of your favorites, that’s a success!

2) Share a fantasy with a partner. It’s amazing how often people get stuck, hoping that their partner will somehow know what they want to do. Until we have telepathy, that’s not going to happen and waiting for it is a great recipe for frustration. If you want to get what you want, your odds will improve a lot if you talk about it.

Violet Blue’s The Ultimate Guide To Sexual Fantasy has lots of great ideas for how to bring up the topic and ways to make it part of your sexy fun. Remember- you don’t have to actually make everything about your fantasies a reality. You can talk about them with a partner during sex to heat things up, and you can find ways for them to inspire you by enacting a part of them without going all the way. Violet has lots of info on how to make all that work.

Carol Queen’s Exhibitionism For The Shy is a fantastic manual for shy women who want to come out of their shells. As a former shy person, Carol’s got plenty of advice for how to open up and show off, even if it’s for just one person. And she’s got some useful suggestions for how to bring your fantasies into your sex life.

3) Have a sex check-in with your partner. Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or in something new, one of the best steps you can take to make sure things are working is to check in every now and then. That’s true for everything, and especially true for sex. It doesn’t have to be a scary talk at all. Here are some ideas for making it work.

Have the conversation in a non-sexual setting. Talking about it during sex can make it a lot harder to navigate, in much the same way that going grocery shopping when you’re hungry can result in some unusual food choices. Instead, find an hour or so and go for a walk together. A lot of people find that talking while side-by-side can feel more comfortable than face-to-face. (That may be why so many couples talk things out in the car.)

Try asking each other three questions:

  • What’s something about our sex life that you really like?
  • What’s something about our sex life that you’d like to change?
  • What’s something that you’d like to add to our sex life?

Of course, you can change the language to feel more comfortable, but these are three key questions that will give you some great info. When you share your answers with your partner, avoid blaming or attacking each other. If you’re finding that a challenge, working with a couples therapist can be really helpful. Even though it can be scary, it’s a great way to get everything on the table and work through it.

Another useful tool is the yes/no/maybe list.

4) Use lube. Lots of people already know how amazing lubricants can be, but if you haven’t tried them, give it a shot. Despite the myths, vaginal lubrication isn’t always a measure of how turned on someone is, just as arousal doesn’t always translate into erections. Stress, medications, recreational drugs, hormonal birth control or medications, and even where someone is in their menstrual cycle can affect their vaginal lubrication. If you’re having anal sex, lube is one of the three key ingredients to making it fun. And it makes handjobs feel amazing!

If you’ve never tried a lubricant, check out this article on how to choose one. If you’ve been using one for a while, you might want to try a different brand. Sometimes, it can be like shampoo or skin lotion- after a while, it stops being as effective and switching to a new one can work a bit better.

5) Have sex at a different time. Do you usually have sex at the end of the day? After you’ve gotten home from work, taken care of the chores, and put the kids to bed? It’s easy to get into a routine, which can easily turn into boredom. Sometimes, finding a different time of day can make a big difference. Try waking up a bit earlier for a quickie before work. Arrange for an afternoon babysitter so you can have fun. You might be surprised at how well it can work.

I once read an article that said that most people have several cycles of dreaming and deep sleep during the night, and they average about 1 1/2 hours long. They suggested that if you want to wake someone up for sex, do it about 90 minutes after they’ve fallen asleep for better results. Some folks take advantage of that, if they’re on slightly different schedules. And I’ve talked with a few who even set an alarm to wake them up for a nighttime romp before going back to sleep. Give it a try and see if it works for you!

Are there other sexy resolutions you want to make? What’s your plan to make 2012 full of great sex?

Dr. Charlie Glickman

Charlie Glickman is the Education Program Manager at Good Vibrations. He also writes, blogs, teaches workshops and university courses, presents at conferences, and trains sexuality educators. He’s certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, and loves geeking out about sex, relationships, sex-positivity, love and shame, communities of erotic affiliation, and sexual practices and techniques of all varieties. Follow him online, on Twitter at @charlieglickman, or on Facebook.

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