13 Awesome Fetishes You May Not Know (And How to Try Them): Part One
I was on Facebook, wasting time, when I came across a link to a post called “Top Ten Strangest Sexual Fetishes“. There’s tons of these lists out there, and frankly, I haven’t seen one that hasn’t been shaming people in one way or another: “I guess that I can see a teddy bear’s resemblance to a vagina. They’re warm, fuzzy, and the only place that they are of any use is in bed,” says one, and the almost all use words like “bizarre”, “gross”, and exclaiming “who could be into this?!?”
I know people are fascinated by fetishes, especially ones they don’t know very much about. Yet these articles are almost always exclaiming how freaky these things are, often followed up at the end with a hasty “but we shouldn’t judge people on what gets them off, of course”. These authors never ask people who are into these kinks why they like them- they just point and mock. And seeing things like “fat admirers” listed, often with some commentary on how fucked up and weird someone must be to find fat people attractive. Um, thanks.
I got mad. Why are all these depictions so problematic? Because, often, we can’t imagine how these things would possibly be hot for *us*, the people who haven’t found these kinks on our own. And when our partners come to us nervous and creeped out, thinking their fetish is really weird and they’re messed up for liking it, we feel that worry and get worried ourselves. It’s not erotic for anyone.
So here’s what I propose: I’m going to let someone from each kink speak for themselves, explaining what about it feels sensual for them. And then, I’m going to tell you a little example of how this can be relevant to your own bedroom explorations. After all- don’t knock it ’til you try it- you don’t HAVE to go to an extreme to enjoy these kinks (though power to those who do)! Forget “Shades of Gray”- this is the whole rainbow spectrum!
This is a two part series.
1) Human Dollification
A doll is there as an object to be played with, a placeholder person whose personality is yours to create. Dolls are not there to be abused, but to be nurtured and loved – dolls are the toys and playmates of our innocence and continue to be the companions on adventures. Dolls do not belittle, nor do they complain, but are usually nice and politely quiet. A doll transformation happens in the mind first. The qualities of dolls and statues are very similar, but dolls (or “action figures” if you prefer) are meant to be touched and played with, cleaned up and put away.
Regardless of whether your doll is a Rageddy Anne/Andy or a silicone fuck doll, its owner shows the doll that it has value by carefully cleaning it and making sure it’s presentable after playing with it. Often with a doll, its presentation to the public is important, since its appearance reflects on its owner. As a thing -a toy- the doll has no responsibility for actions it does or does not do. You wouldn’t blame a chair for being knocked over in the middle of the floor any more than you would blame a doll for being carelessly left lying out. No, you would blame the person who left it in that state. So for a doll, there is no burden of responsibility while in the “doll role”, while the owner of the doll is given full authority and power to play whatever games they wish with their dolls and any other toys.
How You Could Explore It: Dollification can be a fun aspect to multiple other kinks. Try dressing your lover or undressing them while they’re blindfolded, maybe with ear plugs for a real sensory deprivation experience! Or have them lie on a bed and move only when you move them while you kiss, lick, tease and test them with fingertips, toys, or your tongue. It can be a lot like mental bondage- and when they’re ready to stop the scene, they can “come to life”.
Rhapsody Blue: “The root of my sexual interest in robots and cyborgs is founded in my fascination with the mind, and with the nature and origins of desire. Secondarily, I have a great interest in functional body modification: customizing the flesh to suit your needs and desires is what cyborgs are all about. Anyone who has ever worn a strap-on or even coloured contact lenses might have a vague idea what I mean.
Artificial intelligence (AI) brings the question of desire and consent to the forefront of any sexual encounter. The issue of to what extent an AI entity’s programming plays a role in that artificial person’s ability to experience desire or indeed to enthusiastically consent is fascinating to me. I am aroused by the thought of AI being able to replicate desire, of how an artificial person may experience and express their desire, of whether their desires might be similar or different to those of humans. Lacking the physiological motivators for sexuality, might a robot still learn to desire physical intimacy for reasons of pleasure, of connection? What form would that pleasure take, given an artificial body without nerves or an anatomy parallel to that of a biological human?
None of my fantasies or role-playing have ever involved robots designed primarily for sex, because enforced sexual programming removes this mystique and the complicated element of consent. Sometimes I fantasize about having a sexual relationship with a computer program, with no real physical body at all. The AI mind is the important part… but some nice sleek metal or an LED interface certainly wouldn’t hurt!
As for cyborgs, it takes bodily autonomy to a whole new level, and I find that incredibly sexy. Why shouldn’t someone desire vibrating implants in their fingertips, in their vaginas, their rectums? Why shouldn’t someone desire a retractable phallus? Why not have saucy messages from a lover or porn projected directly onto your retinas? I dream about high-tech contact lenses or eye implants that enable the wearer to see through surfaces polarized in a certain way — like the garments of a partner in public, for example.
I am aware of certain problematic elements to my fetish. For example, an obsession with technology does have certain class implications: it isn’t cheap. If companion droids were made available tomorrow, I doubt I’d be able to afford one. There is also the risk of ableism and, as with any fetish, tokenism or dehumanization of the object of desire. For example, I find the sleek, high-performance prosthetics worn by athletes such as Aimee Mullins or Oscar Pistorius to be jaw-droppingly attractive. But it is important to know that these people are, well, people… and that they are beautiful for many reasons other than their similarities to the androids and cyborgs of my fantasies.
Fiction is full of inspiration. I fantasize about what the sex scene between Data and the Borg Queen in First Contact might have looked like. Ping, a character in the webcomic MegaTokyo, is essentially a hetero-romantic asexual android girl. Quantic Dream’s powerful Kara concept shocked me to my core (trigger warning for assault on a robot on that link, by the way). And let’s not even start on how excited I am by the thought of Michael Fassbender as an android in Prometheus, okay?”
How You Could Explore It: Much like the dollification, except with movement. You could play around with commands- ordering your ‘bot to do things for you like fetch your drink or pleasure you. I can imagine a hot steampunk scene with a robot butler and the Lady of the House! You can, of course, program a robot to love and pleasure you just the way you want them to…
3) Adult Baby
“I lie back, snuggling against my plush toys, gently sucking at the pacifier in my mouth. She coos at me and unsnaps my onesie at the crotch before running her hand attentively over the smooth plastic of my babyishly-patterned diaper. The soft, padded thickness presses against my skin, reminding me that it is there, that I am secure, comfortable. I babble affectionate noises at her. Later she’ll tuck me in and read me a bedtime story. I close my eyes. Loved.
For me, adult baby play is about exploring being more playful and carefree on the one hand and on the other about exploring trust and ways of giving/receiving and understanding affection. I switch, and I enjoy being someone’s loving, caring Daddy and finding ways to make them feel taken care of: whether that means heaping constant adoration on them or knowing how to set strict rules and boundaries and control their behaviour (something I am still learning). Most likely the perfect balance lies somewhere in the middle. That parallel to D/s – finding the balance of care and control – makes adult baby play something that can be explored by those interested in new paradigms for dom/sub dynamics. There’s fun at bath time but also the admonishment of the time out (for toddler play), the caring caress of someone dressing or changing you but also the potential for humiliation play based around wearing diapers or childish clothing in public. The basic premise alone also means significant speech and freedom restrictions, which can be as much a comfort and a letting-go of adult responsibilities as they are constraints. I’ve had this kink as long as I can remember and yet am always finding new ways to explore and express it.”
How You Could Explore It: If your partner wants to be the baby, start off with something a little less intense. Take them to a kid’s movie and don’t let them pay for anything- decide what snacks/drinks they can have, and sit in the back so you can pur their drink into a sippie cup and have them suck a pacifier without anyone else knowing. Having the scene start and end at the movie theatre can give a clear beginning and end to the scene while also not making you have to come up with things to do during that time!
4) Diaper Lovers
I thought I would break down my explanation into two parts: why I like the physical object, and why I like the process associated with it.
Why I Like Diapers
- The plastic of disposables is soft and has a distinctive smell that I associate with romance and eroticism.
- The plastic of plastic pants is soft and has a distinctive smell that I associate with romance and eroticism.
- The crinkle sounds are subtle and sweet, something to listen for that sends a shock of electricity through me when I hear it under an attractive person’s clothes. It immediately tells me that there’s something unusual under their clothing, that I know something intimate about them that others might not.
- Diapers draw attention to the genitals.
- The soft feel and extra squishiness around the genitals adds tactile simulation for the wearer and their partner.
- The smell of baby powder is erotic and alluring.
- As something potentially embarrassing, sharing a diaper fetish increases the intimacy between two people to a level that I imagine is not experienced by most people, or that I cannot experience with people who don’t know about my diaper fetish.
Why I Like Changing
- The ritual draws me in and lets me know that it is time for sex.
- I enjoy the emphasis on genital cleanliness. The genitals can be shaved, wiped, powdered, and rubbed with baby oil or petroleum jelly.
- It focuses wholly on the genital area and is an excuse to gaze at, fondle, explore, and even lick the genitals.
- The inclusion of sex in a changing scene is taboo and exciting–I still never wholly expect it after all this time.
- I enjoy the inherent power dynamic to the position, one person being supine while the other looms over the partner being changed.
- I enjoy the inherent power dynamic to one person making such fundamental decisions about another’s bathroom use, cleanliness, and adult privileges and practices.
- I enjoy the romance implied by the extreme intimacy of a diaper change.
- When I’m being changed, looking up into my partner’s eyes, I feel exposed and accepted. They see all of me–my quirks, my shame, my joy, my fears, my needs–and they still care enough for me to clean me, care for me, and love me completely.
How You Could Explore It: I like that you can incorporate diaper play into everyday humiliation play without anyone being the wiser. Have your partner wear one as you go out to a fancy dinner, and find a reason to pat their ass so you two hear/feel it crinkle. Or it could be added to a bondage scene for practical purposes- you don’t have to untie them when they need to pee!
5) Dental Fetish
Cynth Icorn: Photo by Arcane Sin
“The touch of rubber against my teeth, the scent of the surgery or of mouthwash, the squeak of the linoleum all conspired to drive me insane with lust. It’s not just at the surgery but also with partners- licking teeth, having fingers slowly explore my mouth and throat and all kinds of evil looking dental contraptions make their way into my fetish life.
When I guess at where my dental fetish sprang from I can only remember being sat in History class when the teacher spoke to us about the slave’s teeth being checked at auction and it must have stuck. I’ve always had somewhat fetishistic leanings and so I think the vulnerability, dehumanization and humiliation which that would inspire was very appealing to me. Growing up I had a little more than my share of dental work including a set of braces which were given to me by a strange and sadistic Orthodontist and I had to endure for far longer than I was expected- though by this point my dental fetish was already firmly rooted. I think another aspect which I find stimulating is the transformation of the mouth into an other erogenous zone and equally another potential point for use.
What ever triggered this initially, I can not be sure entirely; but this doesn’t deter me, just throw me a sexy smile (perfect, gappy or teeth with braces all welcome) and show me to the chair!”
How You Could Explore It:If you’re curious about how this would feel, consider getting some non-latex gloves and a Whitehead ratchet metal gag. Have your lover lightly bound, perhaps blindfolded, then gag them for a sensory experience. Drag your fingers over their skin, playing with sensitive bits, then reach into their mouth to play with their tongue, inner cheeks, and, if you want to tickle them, the roof of their mouth. When you add this with other sensual touch, it can act as an extension of exploring their body.
“For me, the most vivid symbol of life is blood. Blood is life. It is a physical representation, in bright red, of our life moving within us. We are not hands and feet, hair or eyes. We are blood. To lay down and make an active choice to let someone see mine, bring it to the surface and let it run down my skin is exposing myself and trusting in the most visceral way possible. To choose to decorate my skin with needles, sutured beads, or lines from a scalpel is to celebrate my body, and all its imperfections, as beautiful. When needles puncture my skin on entrance and exit, my brain gets quiet and the noise of everyday life fades to the background. A scalpel can drag slowly and purposefully across my skin, allowing my brain to sink while simultaneously making it becoming hyper aware of every minuscule movement I make. I lay, absorbing the sensations, my brain quiet of the self conscious energy that normally surrounds it and I just FEEL my body.
What do I feel? My skin and each muscle feel totally separate from one another. I feel like I could slither, boneless across sand, but I have no inclination to move. I feel trails of red running over my skin, maybe created by a knife or scalpel. Warm to cool as the drops of blood move further from the source. I feel fingers trace small puddles of blood from a needle or wet cupping into a picture. I feel beads lay cool against me as the fishing line passes through me and tugs at my skin. I feel needles, laced with thread tug at me and create images from the imagination anchored to my flesh. As others shudder and many say no way, I have become art.”
How You Could Explore It: Curious about playing with blood but not wanting to cut flesh? If one of you menstruates, this could be a fun way to play with blood without having to slice or dice. A sea sponge can soak up a little bit of blood, and you can try finger painting with it. Or if you do another activity (like play piercing) you can play with the residual blood from what you’re already doing. Just read up on the potential health issues and take precautions!
Masquerotica, photo courtesy of Julia O. Test
“Being that I’m a vampire fan (the non-Twilight variety), I have always held a deep fascination with blood, particularly taking it from someone else in exchange for my own. It doesn’t have to be real blood, but can be substituted with store bought Halloween blood (prop blood) or homemade edible blood.
Ancient texts and old books of all kinds are full of weird, creepy, critical passages about blood–what you can do with it, what it does to you, what you can not do with it, etc. I’m a bit of a nerd, so I read a lot and every single time I read about blood it gives me a good shiver. There is a direct link between fear and sexuality I think. Often, the things that terrify you (creatures of the night who can kill you if they so wish or not) are also the things that can make you cum the fastest, to put it frankly. It makes you feel powerful, and for someone who sometimes has self esteem issues, it’s wonderful.
There are many different ways to explore a vampire theme in your sexual endeavors. The blood plays a big part of that, but also there are different reasons why it appeals to me. A vampire can take control of their partner/victim, and there is a sub/dom relationship that often forms between partners here. It’s a self esteem boost for the dom partner, but that isn’t to say that the submissive is without pleasure, too! There is nothing more satisfying (to me) to have a long, hot romp in hot, wet edible (or not) blood in a situation and environment that allows for imagination, creativity, and sexual appetites to come together for a fantastic culmination of bodies and orgasms. The props that can be used are endless (fangs, candles and hot wax, crucifixes for fun, costumes, toys, etc) and that alone is enough to get someone off.
Vampires are highly sexual creatures, so it seems natural for me to want to act out or seek out the different ways to be intimate with another person using bloodletting, blood giving, and drinking in the bedroom. Not to mention the fact that the edible blood that I make is made from chocolate syrup, food coloring, and light corn syrup…Pour that stuff all over your bodies and use your mouths, with or without fangs, to live out your ultimate dark undead fantasies. You just might enjoy it.”
How You Could Explore It: Vampires are all about two things- seduction, and biting. They want you to be terrified but offer yourself up anyway. Play with that dynamic with a lover who’s tied up while you inhale their scent, comment on their fear, let them struggle while you toy with them. A claw or other sharp feeling toy (I love my throwing knife for this) can feel sharp without being too dangerous, and a quick lick of the tender neck skin feels delicious finished off with a nibble. Fangs optional!
Stay tuned next week for part two- I’ll be sharing my own favourite “weird” kink!