The Hot Chicks’ Guide To Rockin’ Threesomes with Your Man

The low hum of Mandy’s Pocket Rocket under her bed covers doesn’t seem to wake her sleeping boyfriend, Steve. Her eyes close and her body tenses as she imagines two hot men slowly kissing her neck and parting her legs at her boyfriend’s commanding direction. Her boyfriend’s presence is only semi-visible in the half-light of her imagination. Steve knows her body well and the men follow his direction impeccably.

As they follow his bidding, they work down her body, kissing every little part she adores: her neck, her breasts, and the ticklish part of her lower abdomen. Eventually they work down to her thighs and Mandy, with her eyes closed and the Pocket Rocket buzzing away, tilts her head back farther. In her fantasy, Steve doesn’t have to say a word, but with a nod, gives the approval for the men to enter her. She looks lovingly into his eyes as she is completely taken. In the darkness of her bedroom, Mandy’s body begins to tense up as the heat builds between her legs. Her body quivers, then shakes as the tension builds more and more. She explodes, letting out a loud gasp, then slowly sighs and sinks deeper into her covers.

She opens her eyes to the real world, and nervously bites her lip. She looks over to Steve, worried that she has woken him. Steve sleepily rolls over. His dreamy eyes focus into a knowing look, and with a devilish smile, he says, “Baby, maybe it’s time we make your fantasies a reality. Wouldn’t that be sexy?” Mandy doesn’t say a word, but returns his devilish smile, and melts into his embrace.

So, my ladies, have you ever considered it? Our bodies are built for speed after all! We have endurance, we are great multi-taskers, and many of us are blessed with being multi-orgasmic. Let’s face it, our partners usually give out before our vaginas do! Because of these capabilities, we are wired to rock with multiple partners, despite what our mothers may have told us. The threesome offers us the opportunity to use our strengths and discover a whole new level of sexual pleasure.

However, a threesome is a tricky event to pull off well. A positive experience rarely just happens naturally. So before leaping into this crazy adventure, let me help you prepare for the twists, turns and bumps along the way. My tips and trustworthy itinerary will help you create a mind-blowing experience that will blow your skirt up and leave you smiling for days.

You Both Need to Be on Board

An open mind and curiosity are all you need to begin planning, fantasizing and discussing your adventure. However, as you talk, you might discover that one of you is more gung ho to move forward than the other. How many guys have wanted the Holy Grail of two naked, beautiful women in bed with them? Remember, pressure leads to resentment.

But if you both take the time needed to be ready, the reward is a happier relationship and continued naughty fun on the horizon. So are you ready? If you are curious about being with a sexy woman, want the experience of two men adoring your body, or crave sharing a new adventure with your love, then I am excited to tell you more. However, if you are considering a threesome merely to please your man when you are secretly feeling hurt or rejected, then proceeding is a recipe for disaster. Be honest with yourself and especially with him.

Communication is Your Guiding Compass

The easiest way to initially broach the subject is through fantasy. While in bed, share your fantasies about your perfect threesome scenario. Ask your love what he finds sexy about a threesome. Let these discussions take form and build excitement. One sunny day you will both know that you are ready to make it happen. But please don’t move forward and attempt a threesome with only your instincts to guide you. Your relationship is far too precious to be unprepared. Communication needs to occur before, during, and most definitely after the experience. These open discussions will increase your understanding of each other while alleviating jealousy, disrespect, awkwardness and confusion before they arise.

Establishing Rules and Boundaries

Before you can launch out of the gate, define your rules, establish your limits, and ask any and every question that comes to mind. For instance, what do you want your threesome to be like? Does your man find it hot to be a voyeur and watch you get kissed, stroked or taken by another man? Or perhaps you would like your first threesome to be “soft swap (oral sex or play without penetration) instead of “full swap (intercourse included)? What about bi-sexual play? Girl on girl play doesn’t have to be reserved to your porn stash only. You can be the porn star of your fantasies now! Guy on guy play is doable, as well. Many men secretly crave it, but are terrified of being judged. Let your man know it’s okay for him to share his desires if that’s what you both want.

Another very important recommendation is to choose a word or signal that lets your partner know if the evening needs come to a halt or a certain activity needs to stop. You’ll be happy to have it in order to avoid awkwardness or feeling that you need to “take one for the team. Remember, your relationship is the priority and the threesome is meant to enhance, not hurt your bond. Both of you must be willing to end the night early if one person is uncomfortable. Last, if something doesn’t feel right and your partner isn’t listening to you, it’s okay to stand up and leave. If he is smart, he’ll follow you.

Take Care to Find a Respectful Third

So now that you have your initial rules and boundaries laid out, the adventure will begin to ramp up and get hotter. You are now ready to begin the hunt for your third! Willing singles can be found in many sexy habitats. The trick is to find the best hunting grounds. Some couples find it titillating and spontaneous to go to their favorite bar and seduce a third together. The downside of this strategy is that it may lead to mistakenly picking up someone who doesn’t have a clue about threesome etiquette and unknowingly crosses basic boundaries.

A more sure-fire way to find your third is on a “lifestyle or “swinger website like Kasidie.com or LifestyleLounge.com. On such websites, you can screen appropriate singles. Together, you and your love can look at profiles, communicate through e-mails, and even have a “chemistry check (a date that doesn’t involve sex and is used to get to know each other before the actual night of passion happens). This is an appropriate time to discuss expectations, boundaries and desires, as well as ask safety questions, such as when was he/she last tested and does he/she have any sexually transmitted infections (STIs). This process will reduce anxiety and improve your chance of finding someone that is respectful to both you and your relationship.

Be Safe

As with any sex, safety is a must. Use condoms and any other measures to protect yourself from STIs. Never let a new acquaintance pressure you to do otherwise. Your safety and the safety of your love are far more important than one night of passion!

Be as Giving as You Can

This rule applies to all parties involved. It’s easy for one person in a threesome to feel left out and neglected. If the threesome is male/female/female (MFF), as soon as penetration occurs with the new female, it will be difficult for your man to attend to you, as well. This is a point where hurt feelings are more likely to occur. Both of you need to make sure that you do not ignore your primary partner in your excitement to be with someone new.

It is very important to make sure that everyone is included, even if it is through continued eye contact or touch. You have a responsibility to be respectful to both your primary partner and to your third. Your third has feelings, too. Make sure to take some time to cuddle or get a late night snack before calling it a night. Such gestures will be appreciated and show caring and class.

Discuss Your Feelings After the Big Night

The next morning as you are lying in bed, cuddle up to your love and share all your memories, sensations and feelings. What were the sexiest moments? Tell each other every awesome moment without sparing the details. Have morning sex whispering all your memories in his ear. The good memories will bring you closer. But after such a big night there are bound to be bad moments, as well. That’s okay. The negative moments can serve you well to help your relationship grow and redefine your rules. Over time, as you explore, remember to continue to hone your boundaries. Through this process, the tough spots will become fewer and easier to manage.

Final Thoughts

In her article “Threesomes, my business partner and fellow “Sexual Intellectual Kate Frank, Ph.D. advises, “Don’t be afraid to laugh! Sometimes, sex is funny. Sometimes sex with more than two people involved is even funnier. Enjoy your threesome and don’t take it all too seriously. Have fun and realize this is your first time.

I hope you have enjoyed this initial journey on my ongoing Sexy Safari. I have many more adventures around the bend. Before I send you on your way to explore on your own, remember that sexual adventures beyond monogamy are catalysts. They will often strengthen a solid relationship and just as quickly derail an already troubled relationship. Wait until your relationship is ready. With that being said, you deserve abundance, sensuality and grand adventure. A whole world of sexual exploration is accessible to you. I wish you success, increased intimacy, and happy sexual travels.

Kate Loree

Kate Loree, LMFT, ATR, MBA, is a Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in sexual minority lifestyles, such as polyamory, swing and kink. She is also affirmative for LGBTQ, sex workers and those who love them. She has been practicing for over eight years. Her private practice resides in Encino, CA. For more information, please visit her on the web at KateLoree.com.

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