When Did Sex Get So Serious? Can Sex Be Play? by Pamela Madsen
I’m so very pleased to introduce a new blogger to the Good Vibrations Magazine readership: Pamela Madsen! Author of the charming and inspiring memoir Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure, and Somehow Got Home in Time To Cook Dinner, Pamela also coaches, creates beautiful body-positive and sensual retreats for women, and is a fertility specialist, too! I recently spent some quality time with her and am so pleased to offer her (and you!) some blog space to get to know each other better. Plus she’s co-hosting a teleseminar this week!–Carol Queen, PhD
When was the last time sex felt playful to you? Have you ever had a great big belly laugh with your partner during sex or leading up to sex?
Have we all gotten lost in the Orgasm Olympics and forgotten that sex is not as much about achievement as it is about pleasure? These days I am wondering about playful sex. The kind of sexual interaction between two people that is actually super fun, filled with anticipation, giggles and a sense of silly adventure. If we can let go of performance can we bring back the fun?
I have a few ideas to get you started:
1. Go to a sex toy shop with your partner. You each grab a basket and separate. You get about a half hour. Spend time with the toys. Let your imagination wander. Pick out toys, books, videos, or anything else that you would like to experiment with. Your partner does the same. Meet by the vibrators or the lube at the appointed time and look into each others’ baskets. What’s there? Any surprises? Now, you each get to pick three items from each others’ baskets that look like something that could be fun to try or experiment with. Go home. Play.
2. Buy sex dice. Sex Dice is a game created to add play back into sex. Instead of numbers, each face on the die contains the name of a body part; the body part that faces up when the die is rolled must then be given sexual attention. It’s fun. It’s silly. It creates an atmosphere of playfulness. And it extends foreplay. They are inexpensive. Go on. Play dice.
3. Play Seven Minutes in Heaven! Are you old enough to remember that game? It was created by somebody in the 1950’s and enjoyed by teenagers at parties. Two people are selected to go into a closet or other dark enclosed space and do whatever they like for seven minutes. In my version of the game, you get seven minutes to consequentially enjoy your partner’s body. You may ask if you can touch your partner’s breasts for seven minutes or kiss or even tickle their feet. Remember to take turns! Put on a egg timer to help you play fair and keep track of time.
Come on. We are never too old to play. And taking the time to bring the play back into sex can really help you get your sexy on.
Want to learn more? Join me and Mac S. McGregor, sex educators and intimacy coaches for a playful, sexy, interactive discussion filled with helpful ideas to bring the play back in your sex life.
In this telephone seminar we will bring you suggestions on how to reconnect through erotic play and laughter.
You will learn about new toys for couples, role play and how to set up scene for playful hot laughter filled sex.
When was the last time you played with sex? Perhaps it’s time to change your perspective.
Join us! You will laugh, learn and get ready to bring the sexy back into your life! All genders and sexual orientations are welcome at this teleconference. Self-register using this link!
Pamela Madsen, M.S. is an Integrative Life Coach specializing in women’s issues: Sexuality, Fertility, Body Image, Wellness and Rejuvenation. Pamela is also author of the best selling memoir, Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure, and Somehow Got Home in Time To Cook Dinner (Rodale, Jan 2011), and founder of The American Fertility Association and Back to The Body: Sensuous Retreats for Women. Her websites http://www.PamelaMadsen.org, http://www.backtothebody.org and http://www.thefertilityadvocate, are breakfast essentials for reporters, writers and policymakers.