My Short Harness History and the SpareParts Tomboi

People have VERY strong opinions on harnesses, and I completely understand.  A lot of folks consider their harness as an extension of themselves, so why SHOULDN’T they be passionate about it?

The first harness I bought was this really cheap cloth and velvet harness… well… because it was cheap.  I bought an equally cheap jelly rubber dildo to go with it, again, because it was cheap  (fast forward about a year and I was convinced something was wrong with me for about three months because EVERY TIME I used the dildo it felt like all my reproductive organs were on fire).

This harness lasted me until I was about 22 (not bad), and then I invested in a slightly more expensive leather harness.  To me, the cloth harness was just as good as the leather one, they both stayed on my body, and that’s all I really needed them to do.

About six months ago I started shopping for a new harness.  After a little bit of research, I settled on the Tomboi by SpareParts.  Why? Well, mostly because it’s adorable.  Also, I always lose the o-rings to harnesses, and the Tomboi has kind of a one-size-fits-all o-ring that you can’t take out, and therefore, can’t lose.

I’ve been asked a lot by folks if the Tomboi “actually works.”  My short answer is yes, my long answer is…

Yes it stays on your body, yes you have the same control as you would with a leather/cloth harness, yes it can accommodate a wide range of dildos, yes it’s easy to clean, and yes…it does look adorable on me.  Obviously.

What are the differences?  Well, when I purchased my Tomboi, I also bought one for my partner (no, not matching ones….although that would have been hilarious for about 35 seconds).  So I have two separate perspectives:

Being the harness wear-er/penetrative partner: This harness is super comfortable.  Since it covers your entire butt, there isn’t any awkward, concentrated pressure on your inner thighs or hips.  The fabric doesn’t drag like rubber or leather does, so it slides on and off really easily and doesn’t rub your skin raw.  You can also use it with a double-ended dildo and it has two small pouches for bullet vibes, if you feel so inclined.  I also enjoy not having to adjust it every time I want to switch positions, or after vigorous thrusting.   The dildo also sits fairly low, compared to other harnesses I’ve used.  For me, this means I can experience more direct pressure on my vulva and clitoris during penetration, a hand job, or a blow-job.  WIN.

Being the harness wear-ee/receptive partner:  The main difference between this harness and other harnesses, as far as being the receptive partner is concerned, is the placement of the dildo.  Like I mentioned before, this harness is fairly “low riding,” so the dildo, in my opinion, sits a lot lower than it would in another harness (part of this could be how the harness fits my partner’s body).  I found that when we tried the “cowgirl” position (I’m not a huge fan of position names, but that’s the only way to really paint a visual here), the dildo pointed outward, instead of slightly upward, which made g-spot stimulation (for me) pretty impossible.  The same goes for other positions in which I might have got some g-spot stimulation as well.

In general, I appreciate being able to get it COMPLETELY CLEAN and having the ability to wear it under my clothes when I want to surprise my partner (aka when I’m too lazy to do laundry).

Johnnie Vega

Johnnie Vega is your angry sex nerd, riding the fine line between their early and late twenties. She is also a fashion school dropout, sex educator, thinker, comforter hog, and compulsive coffee consumer. As a Bay Area Native, Johnnie V, knows more than she’d care to admit about astrology, knows endless ways to fit “hella” into every day conversation, and has seen unfortunate amounts of people “ghost ride the whip” in real life.

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