Happy Handjobs

In sex education, porn and locker-room talk, fellatio certainly gets its due — but what about the humble handjob? Oral sex has an intimacy that, for many, even surpasses intercourse. But a handjob, to this day, has a reputation as second-best, or more like third-best, the sort of furtive action that occurs in back seats and in sleazy theaters when the giver is unwilling to offer “more.”

Well, whether you own a set of male genitalia or just like playing with them (or both), I’m here to tell you that a handjob can be one of the most mind-blowing sexual experiences there is. The extreme flexibility of the hands, coupled with the fact that there are two of them (who decided humans would have only one mouth, anyway?) makes the handjob a realm of infinite possibilities. Best of all, handjobs can be combined in liberal quantities with any number of other activities — anal play, fellatio, dirty talk, spanking, you name it.

To get us started on the handjob frontier, I’ll offer a few salient points and then five concrete suggestions for strokes and techniques you can use with lube, and five without lube.

First: If you can’t get over the cultural idea that a handjob is a furtive act offered as second best when a blowjob is out of the question, then work with that. A “furtive” handjob can be part of a naughty fantasy, given in a porn theater, back seat, classroom, locker room — all real or imagined. And as far as a handjob being “second best,” well, that lends itself to any number of scenarios of tease and denial. A handjob allows you to vary the sensation he’s receiving from the lightest tickle to the most intense stroke. Add that to the fact that many men find it relatively difficult to come from a handjob, and you can have hours of teasing fun. Whether he’s begging you for “more” by the end, or he’s perfectly satisfied with your jerking him off — or he doesn’t come at all, in common outcome of the denial fantasy — the handjob can send him into the stratosphere.

Second, and most important: Lube, or lack thereof, will determine what you can and can’t do with a handjob. So, to an extent, will latex gloves, which you might want to use if you’re not fluid-bonded with your partner and/or don’t know his HIV/STD/virus status; if he comes on your hand, cuts in your hand or hangnails could transmit HIV. Accordingly, if he has other sexually transmitted infections, your hands can carry bacteria containing infections such as herpes (if he’s experiencing an outbreak), gonorrhea, syphilis and possibly HPV to other membranes (like your genitals, eyes, mouth or nose). Latex gloves are also great to keep your hands clean; you can just peel them off and you’re ready for your piano recital.

Spit makes a lousy lube; it will help in a pinch, but if you want to subject him to the kind of brain-bursting sensations the handjob can truly offer, you’ll need something like Astroglide, Good Lubrications, Liquid Silk, Probe or the like. Thinner, water-based lubes and especially silicone lubes like Eros and Wet tend to be better for handjobs in my experience, and are easier to clean up since they wash away with water.

Some men like oil-based lubes like Men’s Cream and Boy Butter. They are thicker and slicker, pretty much don’t ever lose their slipperiness, and they’re much, much more work to clean up. I personally find them way too much trouble; after using oil-based lubes, my male partners have reported literally spending a whole day with slimy privates despite repeated showers and scrubbing.

But the sensations that oil-based lubes provide are definitely a little different — warmer, slipperier and non-tacky, which is why silicone lube (which closely mimics oil) is a great. Oil based lubes are also not compatible with latex, so if you plan to slip a condom on him in the next, oh, day or so, don’t use them. They will also degrade your latex glove — that is, they’ll eat holes in it, undermining the whole reason you put them on in the first place.

Now, we get to the “meat” — pun intended. When giving a handjob, here are five things you can do with lube and five without lube. I should note that these are particularly adapted for circumcised men; for men with foreskins, the architecture will be a little different. Pull his foreskin back before starting the handjob, and you’ll expose the head, the most sensitive part, allowing you to use all these techniques flawlessly.

There’s no need to pick one — mix and match these techniques. And remember that most men need a steady onslaught of repetitive

sensation to reach orgasm, so if you mix and match you’ll tease him longer. If you want him to come, stick to one thing or use the tried-and-true #1 “without lube” technique, whether or not you’ve got lube.

Pay attention to his reactions as you try these techniques: Not all guys will like all of these. His pleasure (and your own) will determine what works and what doesn’t.

With Lube

  1. Hold his cock upright and slowly draw your lubed palm in circles around the head, paying special attention to the underside (the glans). This one also works without lube.
  2. Make your fingers into a “duck” and slide them up and down over the head — not unlike a Come Cup.
  3. Hold his shaft with both hands (if possible). Gripping gently with lots of lube, twist each hand in opposite directions around his shaft. This one feels incredible with lube but it is not recommended without lube — remember getting “rope burn” on the playground, where someone twists his or her hands in opposite directions around your forearm? Ouch.
  4. Put one hand around his shaft so that your thumb rests on the glans (the underside of the head). Work your thumb up and down on his glans. You’re barely making any movement here, but it’s on the most sensitive part of his penis.
  5. Since you’re just using one hand in the above technique, you can use that technique with this one: Grasp his balls while you’re stroking his cock — many men like the sensation of gentle tugging on their family jewels (and, for some men, not so gentle). Holding his balls will give you a better grip and add some sensation to his experience.

Bonus technique to maximize the use of lube: Stroke one hand from the base of his cock to the head, and just as you’re sliding it off the head, stroke with the other hand starting at his base. Repeat this over and over again, alternating hands. This is an intense technique that may well bring him to orgasm — or could just be a fabulous tease.

Without (or With) Lube

  1. Here’s the old classic: Wrap your hand around the middle of his shaft and stroke up and down. This can work with lube, but without lube, it offers an intense, rhythmic sensation that many men use in their private masturbation sessions to bring themselves off as quickly as possible. Now you know his secret.
  2. Wrap your hand around his head so that you’re covering it. Now squeeze rhythmically, like you’re squeezing one of those cushy stress-balls. Don’t crush him (unless he likes that sort of thing). This will also work with lube, though the resulting sensation will be somewhat different.
  3. Hold his cock upright with one hand and, touching him very, very gently with the other, run your fingertips up and down his cock from his glans to about the midpoint of his shaft. Essentially, you’re tickling him. Depending on how sensitive he is, he’ll either love or hate this. This technique works better if you don’t have long fingernails, and is also dandy with lube.
  4. Perform #3 on the “With Lube” list, but — and this is important — do it while barely touching him. He may love the sensation, in which case you can try it a little harder, but don’t twist his cock too enthusiastically until you’re sure you can do it without hurting him.
  5. Use your forearms! While even the softest hands among us have ridges, fingerprints and folds, the skin on the underside of your arms is usually very smooth. Rubbing that skin against his glans while holding his cock still with your other hand provides a new and different sensation. This also works great with lube.

A few advanced techniques: The GV Massage Bar (oil-based) melts into a thick, non-drippy oil perfect for stroking any part of the anatomy, and the GV Massage Candle (oil-based) allows you to give handjobs with heated-lotion lube. (thanks to GV Magazine editor Violet Blue for this extra-special tip). Motion Lotion is edible and gets hot when you blow on it, which, I have it on good authority, makes for some interesting sensations on the male member.

For further reading on this exciting topic, try The Kama Sutra of Erotic Massage, and The Joy of Erotic Massage on VHS and DVD offers some stimulating viewing.

Happy handjobs!